Patrick is back after struggling to get the studio PC up and running for four days. He is in a surly mood after having his beard lopped off with no warning. Things didn't get much better with his accommodation in NYC, where the hotel had leaks, no television or housekeeping service, and so many. ore gruesome issues. He is now banned from that Hilton property after yelling at one of the concierge trolls. There's blood all over the house, but it's dog blood. Don't worry, it's the good kind. Patrick made a dry run at smoking a brisket, and can't stop eating crap. Texas is a hypocritical basket of barbecue. All this and more comedy drama in the Las Vegas scene!
Patrick is back from NYC and he's seen enough of your world to know he doesn't want to be in it. Somehow this show dips it's toes in to the icy waters of politics and doomsday again. with even more yelling and intolerance by grandpa Melton. Patrick thinks the answer is much simpler than you think - you might just be stupid. Twitter wars are back and more fun than ever! Patrick has some interesting ideas for disposing of homeless people. Vegas comedy thirst traps revealed. Thai Rivera is making even more enemies in the world of comedy. Sexual assault is bubbling up in the Las Vegas comedy scene again, with our friend Kool-Aid taking some heat, as well as comedian Diaz Mackie facing some tough new allegations with wrinkled old receipts.
CHRIS FAIRBANKS is here and he’s giving us the low-down on whether Ellen seems like a nice person or not, and also offering up theories on how weird porno works. BRIAN KING is also in the studio, and we talk about the Oscars and tweeting, watch the most annoying baby commercial ever, and check in on 90’s sensation Scatman John to see what his career was made of. A fan, Daniel, sits in and brings Patrick a gift. Chris talks about one of his first experiences in L.A., and how he almost died getting involved in others’ business. Patrick has a new plan on how to get everything you have for free. It’s super difficult to find a phone number for Jim Carrey, we look back on Dennis the Menace to see what was so funny about the past, and Patrick tries to get people to use a catch phrase that he can’t exactly remember.
Patrick can't seem to get it together. He's got things to rant about. He has opinions on things from an old friend's newest podcast to some racist job ads he saw recently. He wants to brag about things like learning how to make onion rings from Bobby Flay and getting his swim spa early. Everything devolves quickly into an argument about personal freedoms and vaccine mandates by government and businesses. And of course, the DRAMA. The Las Vegas comedy scene is bananas right now. We have a flamboyant delusional never-was who thinks he just filmed a "special", a cleaned-up club promoter named "Trouble" who's trying to fight everyone for some reason, another comedian who got hit in the face this weekend, exclusive access to a pilot Thai Rivera tried to write a few years back, and so much more!
Patrick wants to have a late night chat with you, the fans. It's time to get away from all the hustle and bustle of the comedy drama and focus on the things that matter in life - dad living. Patrick talks about his recent acquisition of a pellet grill, to the dismay of "real bbq guys" everywhere. Patrick doesn't care what you're Busch Light-drinking-ass thinks or how if you "ain't using wood, you ain't cookin' good." Rhymes are for idiots and snake bite victims. Patrick talks about an ad for a music video that doesn't make sense at all. We take a call from Mike Boudet from the Sword and Scale podcast to discuss whatever the issue with Ian Bagg is. We learn that women complain the most, Adam Corolla is getting a secret divorce, and so much more!
s Vegas is heating up, and the smoking embers of bridges here in the comedy scene can be observed from miles around. Nobodies are starting new drama, bored weirdos are making big accusations, and the rat king himself, Cry-Me-A-Rivera (aka Thai Rivera, aka Balentin De Anda, aka Candy-Ass Daddy, aka ET Torso, aka Mumblestiltskin), is beginning to find himself VERY unwelcome at more and more places in a city that is ever growing wary of his shirtless photos and awkward toothy grin, coupled with the not-quite-right eyes of a poorly-constructed children's doll. Rumors, inside Information, and scandals afoot! We hear rumors of his next move, plans of a comedy special, and more! Find out who ASSAULTED the best LGBTQ+ comedian in the WORLD!
Patrick sits down on a Sunday to have a little hang with you, the loyal listener. Patrick gabs with the chat a bit, as there's quite a bit going on that's grinding his gears. Patrick is sipping on Starbucks coffee, which he had delivered. He's aware that this is the epitome of white girl privilege, but that's how he rolls. Brad is sick, and has cost a fortune in emergency vet bills. Her digestion isn't running smoothly, and Patrick is worried about his white tiles and grout standing up to doggie brownie batter. Patrick is thinking about possibly attacking his swim spa salesman, who has misled and pressured him with sleazy sales tactics and is now saying it will be 9 more months before Patrick will be swimming. And of course, there's more Thai Rivera updates than you could possibly want. We are tired of this little garbage fire, too.
Alex Ansel joins Patrick in the studio to talk about everything from gaming to feuds in the Las Vegas comedy community. The show starts out with a real downer note. Patrick wants to be transparent with the feedback he receives about the show, and in that spirit he reads a very mean-spirited email he received recently. It's a real wakeup call for the host. Alex brought his Playstation 5 over to enjoy some gaming activities on Patrick's new massive TV. Patrick still doesn't understand gaming, but he likes to watch and study people who do. Patrick sings songs to his dog in baby talk to the tune of the theme song from The Little Prince. We get in to the recent drama regarding Thai Rivera attempting to copyright strike our YouTube channel and explain why he doesn't have a prayer in court.
A comedic review of the latest KING of comedy in Las Vegas. This one is a great tale from the C, and so many people helped provide insight in to the story being woven for your absolute amusement and horror. Bring your popcorn and something sharp to slisp your wrisps. This one will be a long one, so get a babysitter and tell the wife you'll be out late with the misses. What? Pssssh. You don't make any sense. In Part 1 we review the lead up to this guaranteed nightmare, and watch in horror as it unfolds before our very eyes for a detailed and thorough breakdown of a man's breakdown. Enjoy! This show was originally live streamed on June 17, 2021.
Thai Rivera issues a copyright strike on Nobody Likes Onions, and Patrick has been itching to share the latest regarding Thai's super-unbothered attempt to crush free speech. Patrick outlines his planned response to Thai, in as much detail as he's permitted. This copyright contest can get very ugly very quickly, and Patrick doesn't plan to play softball with one of Vegas's most notorious softbois. With legal troubles brewing that could have far-reaching unintended consequences in Thai's world, and Patrick showing no signs of backing off, what will become of Thai's new residency? The chat seems to be collectively smacking their heads at Thai's latest move, and Patrick is asked to give Thai some serious advice as an objective onlooker.
Thai Rivera is smoking or snorting more of whatever he smokes or snorts than usual. In this show, Patrick details this insane man's plan to take Las Vegas by storm with a residency show that promises to be a complete clusterfuck. Void of planning, talent, capabilities, contacts, technical prowess, marketing money or common sense, Thai is forging forward at the expense of a newer local comic named Ralph Tutela. Patrick predicts how this debacle will play out. We then move on to cover Derek Savage's 2021 edition of the 420 Awards, with less production value and a sadder presence than ever before. Aside from the usual pointless fumbling through handing out awards to people that are not present, this year Derek has convinced some local Vegas comedians to come in and do some of the presenting.
Chef is back to check on the show he helped grow so many years ago, and his curmudgeonly attitude is still oozing from his pores. Patrick and Chef walk down podcast memory lane a little, and discuss why Patrick is still doing this. Chef is in the babyproofing business and Patrick wants some tips for his dog. Patrick is still losing at poker all these years later. Chef's Florida neighbor is squirreling away money from his wife. Patrick is confused by whatever bone induction headphones are and why they need to be worn all day. The guys muse about the convenience of having a podcast stenographer. Patrick shares with Chef the origins of Rick's and how Rick Harrison from Pawn Stars has let his fame go to his head. Patrick argues with Chef about the true meaning of being a father, and Chef shares a new service he's been using.
Patrick is back to go over some of the stories he meant to cover in the previous show. Crazy Joe derailed the programming a bit, so today you get leftovers. Patrick is happy to be out in society without a mask, but is super sus about the way we were all told about it. Rachel Maddow is having some issue processing things. Sarah Silverman can't seem to understand that, in general, men are stronger than women. Patrick breaks down the recent events involving the "cancelling" of Tony Hinchcliffe by a virtue signaling opportunity-seeking nobody comic in Austin. AirBNB is trying to get you to think they are cool by setting up overnight stays in Popeyes chicken restaurants and the last Blockbuster video store in Bend, Oregon.
Patrick has serious concerns about the dog he has allowed in to his home and heart. How do you know when it's time to give up and just put it outside in the dirt? Seriously? This show starts out normal enough, but evolves in to what is sure to be a landmark moment for the Nobody Likes Onions program. After six years of nothing but harassment and hope from those who follow our history with Crazy Joe, the man himself calls in to the show to talk with Patrick and bury the hatchet! Joe want to possibly broadcast his show on the Onions network, but he's hesitant to trust the fans if they're all like that idiot, Curran. There's big news regarding our personal freedoms and it's way too confusing to be an accident. Patrick ponders the trouble with Bill and Melina Grates and thinks there might be a BIG scandal coming soon!
Comedian Scott Bowser is in studio for the first time in almost seven years. While he's taken a break from standup for awhile, he has found a new love for podcasting. Patrick laments at how easy it is for people to startup a podcast with no conviction. Private messaging app Signal has pissed off Facebook by exposing how much personal information they know about people. The guys discuss the old days, including the early days of cryptocurrency, leaving Los Angeles, and more. Patrick questions Scott about his new profession in the cannibis industry. Patrick doesn't buy in to experts, labs and testing; it's all made up nonsense. Scott peruses some baseball cards that Patrick recently acquired to tell him if they might be worth something. Patrick comes up with a new idea for a Vegas-style baby go bye-bye clinic.
Patrick is fully vaccinated and can now eat dog, and he got a new Goldendoodle puppy just to test the theory. Listen to the harrowing tale of how Patrick hunted and finally got a great deal on a potentially illegal or mentally defective dog. Caitlyn Jenner is trying to be the mayor of California, and Patrick doesn't understand why she's even worthy of consideration. As bonus evidence of our obsession with worshipping people regardless of merit, we find a video of Caitlyn singing on The Masked Singer, and it's AWFUL. Elon Muskrat is going to host Saturday Night Live and people are super upset about it. Bowen Yang doesn't like it, but most people don't like Bowen Yang. Patrick gives away a sofa to a psycho who can't stop talking about Brooklyn. Apple is going get everyone killed with their new stalker-friendly Airtags gimmicks.
Alex "KOOL-AID" Ansel joins Patrick in the studio for the first time since the pandemic rained down it's prolonged hiatus on fun and social interaction. Both of them are scheduled to get their second vaccine this week, and they figured they would forego safety and hunker down together for a few hours. Patrick makes some predictions for the future when Bitcoin rules us all. Alex recently splurged for a PlayStation 5, or a PS5 as the kids are calling it. He feels guilty about the expenditure, so he's making large fiscal cuts in his life, including severing ties with the pay-for-risqué enthusiast site, OnlyFans. Patrick probes Kool-Aid about how OnlyFans works and why it's so attractive. Spoiler alert: it's mostly buttholes. Patrick is concerned his TV and smart devices are spying on everything.
Patrick is joined by comedians George White and Adam Dominguez as they recount the tale of going on the road with Thai about a year ago. Was he a nice man? Was he fair and super sweet? Find out on this scandalous behind-the-scenes expose, with never-before-seen footage, photos, screenshots and more. You'll feel like you were there as Patrick asks the questions you'd ask if your mom hadn't taught you manners. Was Thai funny on stage? Is he always super low energy? Is his face always this puffy? The answers to these gems are in this episode, and other horror stories from the road with Vegas comedians sprinkled in for good measure. We finish the show with startling evidence that Thai may be psychologically grooming comedians for abuse later on.
Patrick is joined in the studio by comedian Matt Markman, who has the honor of being the first guest in our new studio. Matt is vaccinated, and Patrick recently had his first shot of the Pfizer shot. The guys discuss vaccination and conspiracies, along with what might be in it for Bill Gates if he is, in fact, microchipping all of us. Patrick wants to get a puppy, and is overwhelmed by the number of "doodle" breeds available. Rick's Wings N' Rings has some new dishes they'd like to promote during the show. Matt prefers comic book movies to things like Godzilla vs. Kong, but Patrick appreciates the latter for it's authenticity. A Tampa Bay Buccaneer us under fire for using a racial slur in a tweet. Rage rooms are taking over, Cool Cat is back, and more.
Joke thievery is no laughing matter! The Las Vegas comedy scene is spicy, and most of the bickering centers around everybody's favorite drama donut, Thai Rivera, accusing Canadian comedian Trixx of joke theft - the most unforgivable of comedy crimes. Who's lying? Who did what? Is there more to the story? Let's listen to what Thai has to say, and hold his attempted joke theft exposure up to what we know about his past behavior. Let's see what proof and substance Thai provides to try to ruin the reputation of a Canadian comedian he used to call "friend." Is time running out for Thai in Las Vegas?
It's another weekend in Las Vegas, and the streets are sizzling with sweet, sweet comedy drama. In this show, Patrick share some great news from his HOA. He grapples with the prospect of getting the vaccine soon and asks for listener feedback. The show might switch to YouTube for live shows soon, because Twitch is too woke. Patrick has taken to selling graphics cards on eBay during the shortage, and has some unkind words for Craigslist shoppers. Patrick recaps all the history with Butch Bradley, as it's become a topic of discussion again recently. Two individuals on Facebook have caught Patrick's eye for their short fuses and inability to self-soothe. Catherine Maloney is mad at men, herself and the world, and want's everyone to know about it.
Patrick continues bitching about the woes of home ownership, including a recent faucet repair and more HOA drama. He also recently found himself furniture shopping and purchasing some sofas from a company called Lovesac. I hope you enjoy fifteen minute rants about customer service and how not to dress your employees. NLO wants to jump on the NFT hypetrain and issue a limited set of NLO trading cards. Stay tuned for more. After a small political rant, Patrick expresses concerns for the mental health of some people on his Facebook news feed, including a comedic peer, Brian Scolaro. Please calibrate your crazy. Flappers Comedy Club is still scamming comics. Comedians are becoming more and more desperate.
Patrick starts the show out with a mini rant about Twitch and their weird mechanisms for creators. A string of rapid subscription triggers something called a hypetrain, and that seems inappropriate. There seems to be some memory of Golden Corral that has triggered a very emotional rant from Patrick about chocolate fondue. The show had the best of intentions, but an off-handed line intended to support an argument triggers a tangent of conversation, aggravation and consternation that eventually leads to a fan getting upset at a chat bot, spinning out, and quitting the show.
Patrick has been working hard on rearranging the studio, hanging lights and other show paraphernalia from the rafters. With only a trusty drill, sorry, impact driver, in one hand and the other one gorilla glued to itself, it's all sure to turn out well. The US Postal Service is getting new vehicles, and somehow they're worse. Patrick is on the hunt for both a ghost that might be tapping or slamming things in the night, as well as what may or may not be a pack of pigeons inside a computer. Have you ever wanted to have a drag queen deliver your dinner? Us either. Do you have ADHD? It's time we found out.
Patrick is settling in to the new studio, and while there's still a lot of adjustments to make, there's even more crap to talk about that's happened in the past couple of months. Patrick has finally gotten a haircut, and he wants you to know about it. We talk about all the recent market moves, from the recent GameStop peaking to the latest developments in Bitcoin. Patrick wants to get a Tesla, and he thinks Bill Gates is jealous of Elon Musk. We skim the top of some political stuff, and Patrick gets outraged at the though of others having opinions, as usual. The Super Bowl was a massacre, but Patrick loved it.
Patrick goes over the drama that has unfolded over the past day regarding Thai Rivera and the Savage A.F. podcast. Black Pedro blocks the NLO instagram account for no reason and refuses to answer a tweet. Patrick opens the show telling people to enlist in his new ANT army. We discuss our new sponsor and then dive in to a dissection of the Savage A.F. show, where we find out that Shang really wants you to subscribe, nobody has time for chroma keying, and so much more.
Patrick is back after an extended hiatus while building out the new studio. Bear with the subpar sound on this one while we dial everything back in. Thai Rivera is back and this time he's guesting on another comedy podcast where he feels he's been disrespected, ambushed and misrepresented. Watch this insanely cringe interaction that propels all of the weirdness of the Las Vegas comedy scene to new depths.
Patrick has taken a poll on instagram about Las Vegas comedians, and he's been getting some strange messages. How deep do the secrets of the Las Vegas comedy scene go? Will we ever know? Are some good guys being accused of being bad guys, and vice versa? Will Matt Markman ever sell enough of his CD's to stop posting photoshopped promos for it? We don't answer many of these questions, but we have fun tiredly speculating endlessly.
Patrick gets an email that starts his entire day down a trail of podcasting history. Keith and the Girl, one of the first podcasts when we started back in 2005, is back at it with their old tricks. These two dopey ex-clowns never cease to amaze us with their inability to master podcasting, from the aesthetics to the technical, despite having literally written a book about it. Now they have a new scheme to raise money to hide under a bunk bed and do podcasts from their roach-infested homes.
Patrick has been troubled lately. Spirits. Ghouls. Ghosts. Geists. Goblins. A boy has been walking around Patrick's house, taunting him with hisses in the night and scurrying from room to room. We dive in to Google and find out it could be a boy named David. We check in on Crazy Joe, because it's been so long since we met a mad man. Patrick bitches about updates with his house.
Patrick gathers all the people from around the internet who want to escape from their families in to one chat room to guilt eat and cry. Patrick is getting close to signing on his new house, and has stories about HOAs for days, but the chat doesn't seem impressed. Patrick drinking always ends up leading to some really dark ideas. Does anyone wanna do some cool YouTube channel stuff as a prank?
Patrick is sick once again and is paranoid about the coronavirus again. The studio is about to be wrecked as Patrick's landlord finally agreed to install some auxiliary air conditioners. He's also waiting for the last hurdle of his home-buying adventure by trying to get some documents from the Homeowner's Association. All the old cables and equipment must go! We're going to be all powered by Unifi now. Patrick has a real beef with Hubble contact lenses.
It's Patrick's birthday, and although he appreciates the love and gifts from those who have gathered. Enough is enough. Some people don't understand what gifts are good, and what gifts are chores. Amazon gift cards or cash, please. None of this other feel-good horseshit. Patrick ordered a new iPhone 12 Pro that should be delivered today, but UPS is fucking it up royally.
Patrick is balls deep in the house buying process, and the stress is beginning to take it's toll. He's intimidated by the prospect of taking on the project of installing a pool in his back yard, and he feels pressured by Big Pool. Costco has a lot to answer for when it comes to how he was treated recently at the optical center. Along with being ignored at the service counter, he's sick of being stalked like a D-level celebrity by cashiers.
Patrick straps in for a long day and night of uncertainty and civil unrest. Armed only with weed and a limited knowledge of how the election process works on the whole, and joined by a band of savagely uninformed voters, Patrick tries to make the most of the situation at hand with a retrospective, predictions and more.
Welcome to morning hot talk with the bow boys. Patrick welcomes you to Gum Club and talks about how all the gum comes from like two companies, collectively known as Big Gum. Gum Club is sponsored by Brandie's Bows and Cheryl's Barrels. These shows were recorded before the election, so the amount of foreplay in the air between two old men is salty and thick. Jack in the Box is gross, bows and so much more more.
Patrick is kicking off his day with coffee and an apology to Breonna Taylor. Patrick's latest foray in to trying to buy a house has failed again due to a poor inspection that revealed a million problems. He quickly recovers though, by making another offer on a new house, but not without it's compromises. He's decided to go full basic bitch, purchases a magazine-like home stamped out in a planned community.
Patrick is back from doing shows on the road and is back to hunting for a house. It's not been going well, but he has an offer in on a new place that is pretty sweet, but it's missing that sweet natural gas he craves. Patrick is traumatized by the left and baffled by the right, and he doesn't even know what's real anymore. He is officially undecided for the upcoming presidential election, and the media spin isn't making it any easier.
Patrick sits down with everyones favorite wannabe city councilperson, comedian, and grumpy geriatric Landry Miller. Landry was good enough to put aside his general disdain for people long enough to sit down with Patrick to talk about doing comedy in pandemic times, this recent alcoholism. We also talk about adult babies, free donuts, camp stories, pandemic comedy and the ugliest care ever.
Patrick is joined by Roy Johnson in an on-location show from Tulsa, Oklahoma after finishing a week of shows. Patrick hasn't been on stage in over six months, and is also paralyzed by a crippling fear of COVID-19. Roy recaps the weekend and pontificates to the dismay of the chat room while Patrick takes a very important phone call. Patrick has been house shopping, and the inspector calls to tell him some horrible news.
Patrick is excited about the possibility of pivoting to a gamers only podcast. We are proud to announce that we are the only podcast with GeForce RTX graphics. That can't be, can it? People need to stop worrying about Patrick being poor. It's all going to work out. We check in on some of the latest insane rants and exclamations from our favorite tinyman, Thai Rivera. Trez Mala watches grass grow. Daddy Derek is nuttier than ever and we have the videos to prove it.
Patrick has been busy but that's not going to stop him from bitching about everything under the sun. SUBtember is here at Twitch so that seems very to tell people about continuously. We reveal that we have a very capable doxxer in our midst. Patrick has lost everything in the stock market and wants your sympathy. We look in to other electric car manufacturers besides Tesla.
Patrick is back as promised to continue trying to explore other options in the Onionsphere. Patrick has used three cans of hairspray to both illustrate how long it's been since he's had any kind of professional grooming, and to make fun of how Trez Mala composes his "look" on the daily. Patrick begins to try to fix some of the audio sync issues, but this turns out to be a fatal downfall in this show.
This show is an attempt to make everyone happy. We are taking a break from the latest trend of T2 tirades. So much in this show! Patrick talks too much about graphics cards. The final solution for low-carb pizza cravings is revealed. We teach an old fan some new tricks. Patrick tries to give people investment advice, but he has no idea what he's talking about. Plus listener supplied topics!
Patrick continues going over the latest and greatest video podcast from Thai Rivera, Brough to us by the guys he has fooled down at Virtual Vegas studios. While exploring Thai's sick burns and further social policies, we begin to notice even more contradictions in his personalities. We begin to notice a lot of very oddly-timed cuts in the video and try to find out why.
Patrick is taking it upon himself to make this episode be the one that really humanizes himself to you all. Before moving on to everything he thinks is wrong with everyone else, he wants to reveal something very personal and embarrassing, This confession leads to a startling observation by the chat. Patrick discusses Elon Musk's brain fuckery company, Neuralink.
Patrick is spiraling hard and there is no telling where this show is headed from right out of the gate. The entire weekend was filled with updates for the studio, including cabling, graphics cards, memory, accessories, lighting, etc. We explore a t-shirt company run by the right-wing nut butter known as Trez Mala, full off designs and slogans that will make your trachea ache. Patrick is sick and tired of being sick and tired
It's a new dawn and that means a bunch of new things that will probably just make us a combination of depressed and anxious, with a side of outrage. Patrick is going off on ANOTHER Las Vegas comedian that popped up in his feed on Facebook this morning. This time it's a grown man with some ideas about the government tracking us with our phones. We also go over some older videos from Thai Rivera, since he's been laying kind of low this week.
The gay giving tree that is Thai Rivera has birthed us a new comedian jester to keep our eyes on, Trez Mala. Patrick took years of Spanish in high school. so he's pretty sure that means "bad three." Or something close. In the first installment of two, we listen to Trez talk about himself and his comedy roots and philosophy on some other gas weasel's podcast. If you've never heard of the MoonBug Glip Glop podcast, strap in
It's a new day and a new podcast from our favorite tiny Mexican comedian impersonator, Thai Rivera, has just hit the sound clouds. We kick off the show with technical difficulties as usual. Patrick has a new iMac and couldn't be more elated. Thai is back with some big proclamations and announcements. But mostly it just has contradiction after contradiction, rambling story after incoherent babbling, and a lot of weird mouth noises.