Show Archive • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

NLO 1408: Trolls and Tables

January 6, 2022

Happy 2022! Alex “Kool Aid” Ansel is in studio. Betty White didn’t make it, but we all did. We have a new character in the chat named Concerned Troll, but he doesn’t seem to be able to communicate effectively when doling out criticism. Patton Oswalt is a disgraceful worm, and the amount of fake diplomacy he demonstrated is disgustingly insincere. Patrick has a new fascination with Kevin Brennan after a recent weekend working with comedian Chad Zumock. There’s a big misunderstanding about conventions and tables. Patrick isn’t in to Dune, Spider Man, or the Matrix – is he officially old? Kool Aid has grown out of watching wrestling. Thai Rivera recently stunk it up and a New Year’s Eve show. Kool Aid walks us through memories of the Burger King BK Kid’s Club. …

NLO 1407: Clawee

December 22, 2021

It’s the week before Christmas, but as an adult, how much should you care? Do you have kids? Do you have them go to a mall and sit on Santa’s lap? Seems like some sick, weird stuff. You better not have raped. Patrick has been force-feeding his dog CBD after her laparoscopic spay surgery. People who feel too strongly one way or another about mask mandates are mentally ill. Speaking of mentally ill, Patrick is worried about society not really caring about facts or accurate historical understanding. Tesla is sold out of cars until 2023 and Patrick thinks he should just yeet and order one with the hopes he will be able to afford it by then. Thai Rivera has moved into a room and doesn’t seem happy about it. Patrick is going through a very traumatizing divorce. …

NLO 1406: All Dogs Have Dreams

December 3, 2021

Patrick didn’t want this show to be like this, but sometimes you can’t control the direction of a circus. Patrick reveals a recent issue he’s been having in bed. No, not like that. But it involves pillows, intruders, sleep paralysis, and questions of time and space. It’s even having an influence on Patrick’s dog’s sleep habits, and we need answers. Thai Rivera left his apartment because it was too expensive, and had the cops called on him for being abusive and belligerent. Rumor has it that he’s sleeping in his car with Bijou while driving between here and Reno to service his new boyfriend/victim. Josh Denny is more emotional and angry than we could have ever known, and he lets it slip in a recent video therapy session. Juul wants to draw Patrick’s blood for money. …

NLO 1405: Goodluck N

November 23, 2021

Patrick is completing his transition, and not one of the fun ones where you end up with a shiny new reproductive organ. He’s completing his transition in to a childless father. A dad in spirit, if you will. This week, Patrick went shopping for patio furniture and also bought a freezer for the garage. This is peak dad behavior. Patrick is offended at Big Irish Jay’s phone etiquette after refusing to gossip about a friend. Thai Rivera is in a relationship, so star the countdown to explosive and manic behavior when it all unravels this spring. The news is frustrated when black people commit crimes, and they have to try to report around it. Patrick fell in to the trap of unintended racism this week when having some furniture delivered. Christian Finnegan joins the show to talk about his new comedy special. …

NLO 1404: A Wristed Development

November 15, 2021

Patrick has been taking the week before his birthday to relax and float about in his newly installed swim spa. The bubbly warm waters flowing over a boy’s parts is rejuvenating to no end. Ask someone about it. It’s the fountain of youth for a senior citizen such as Patrick. We start the show by noting the fragility of life and taking a moment to remember another fallen comedian this week. Does anyone know what to do with a broken or busted wrist? Is there a wrist doctor or some sort of hand specialty place you can go to? Patrick wants to smoke a brisket for Thanksgiving, but thinks he needs a turkey as a backup. Also what are the must-have Thanksgiving sides right now? Josh Denny does an interview where his memory is broken. …

NLO 1403: Spa Sabotage

November 6, 2021

Patrick is back from the road, has stories about it, and has some new steam to vent about his recent white people problem. Patrick recounts his drive from Oklahoma back to Las Vegas, powered by a combination of sheer will and prescription medication. Patrick has been waiting for the day his glorious swim spa would arrive for over 9 months now. After several delays from the factory, the sales people, the electrical permitting, and the HOA, it’s finally arrived. But nothing goes smoothly when you’re dealing with contractors, and Patrick’s march towards swimming freedom has been no different. It’s a tale of miscommunication, mistrust, dead moms and dead cats, incompetence and ultimately theft. You won’t want to miss this midnight hang. Call your mom. Tell her my mom said it was ok. …

NLO 1402: Checking Chad

October 22, 2021

Patrick is on the road, and that means less frequent podcasts, slower uploads, and disgruntled listeners everywhere. It’s ok, kids. You’ll be fine. More shows are on the way. On this episode, Patrick sits down with comedian Chad Zumock to talk about their week working in Tulsa, Oklahoma, as well as various topics in the world, from the ongoing nightmare of the pandemic to Brian Laundrie and his insane caper to escape the authorities. Chad is also in the middle of a feud with his fellow podcast host an friend Kevin Brennan revolving around Chad’s friendship with comedian Dave Landau. Kevin doesn’t like Dave and he apparently thinks that Chad shouldn’t be friends with him either. …

NLO 1401: Boobies & The Blowfish

October 5, 2021

Patrick wants you to subscribe and follow his standup YouTube channel for a project he will be doing all October long, writing new bits and uploading successes and failures along the way. Patrick talks about some recent outings, which leads to a discussion of Eddie Ifft, Chad Zumock, and Graham Elwood. Patrick recounts his experience with Graham Elwood years ago, and we watch the awful music video he made. Josh Denny has been making the rounds as a new right-wing nut, and he’s against abortions now. We find an old show where Josh talks about convincing a maid he knocked up to kill that baby, and check out his newest show, Next Week Tonight. There’s also some rumors going around about the recent fentanyl oopsie involving the death of three comics. …

NLO 1400: Hilton, Horns & Honey Boy

September 15, 2021

Patrick is back after struggling to get the studio PC up and running for four days. He is in a surly mood after having his beard lopped off with no warning. Things didn’t get much better with his accommodation in NYC, where the hotel had leaks, no television or housekeeping service, and so many. ore gruesome issues. He is now banned from that Hilton property after yelling at one of the concierge trolls. There’s blood all over the house, but it’s dog blood. Don’t worry, it’s the good kind. Patrick made a dry run at smoking a brisket, and can’t stop eating crap. Texas is a hypocritical basket of barbecue. All this and more comedy drama in the Las Vegas scene! …