Show Archive • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

NLO 1401: Boobies & The Blowfish

October 5, 2021

Patrick wants you to subscribe and follow his standup YouTube channel for a project he will be doing all October long, writing new bits and uploading successes and failures along the way. Patrick talks about some recent outings, which leads to a discussion of Eddie Ifft, Chad Zumock, and Graham Elwood. Patrick recounts his experience with Graham Elwood years ago, and we watch the awful music video he made. Josh Denny has been making the rounds as a new right-wing nut, and he’s against abortions now. We find an old show where Josh talks about convincing a maid he knocked up to kill that baby, and check out his newest show, Next Week Tonight. There’s also some rumors going around about the recent fentanyl oopsie involving the death of three comics. …

NLO 1400: Hilton, Horns & Honey Boy

September 15, 2021

Patrick is back after struggling to get the studio PC up and running for four days. He is in a surly mood after having his beard lopped off with no warning. Things didn’t get much better with his accommodation in NYC, where the hotel had leaks, no television or housekeeping service, and so many. ore gruesome issues. He is now banned from that Hilton property after yelling at one of the concierge trolls. There’s blood all over the house, but it’s dog blood. Don’t worry, it’s the good kind. Patrick made a dry run at smoking a brisket, and can’t stop eating crap. Texas is a hypocritical basket of barbecue. All this and more comedy drama in the Las Vegas scene! …

NLO 1398: Eat the Homeless

September 3, 2021

Patrick is back from NYC and he’s seen enough of your world to know he doesn’t want to be in it. Somehow this show dips it’s toes in to the icy waters of politics and doomsday again. with even more yelling and intolerance by grandpa Melton. Patrick thinks the answer is much simpler than you think – you might just be stupid. Twitter wars are back and more fun than ever! Patrick has some interesting ideas for disposing of homeless people. Vegas comedy thirst traps revealed. Thai Rivera is making even more enemies in the world of comedy. Sexual assault is bubbling up in the Las Vegas comedy scene again, with our friend Kool-Aid taking some heat, as well as comedian Diaz Mackie facing some tough new allegations with wrinkled old receipts. …

NLO Classic: Heavy Dooty (Show 764)

August 27, 2021

CHRIS FAIRBANKS is here and he’s giving us the low-down on whether Ellen seems like a nice person or not, and also offering up theories on how weird porno works. BRIAN KING is also in the studio, and we talk about the Oscars and tweeting, watch the most annoying baby commercial ever, and check in on 90’s sensation Scatman John to see what his career was made of. A fan, Daniel, sits in and brings Patrick a gift. Chris talks about one of his first experiences in L.A., and how he almost died getting involved in others’ business. Patrick has a new plan on how to get everything you have for free. It’s super difficult to find a phone number for Jim Carrey, we look back on Dennis the Menace to see what was so funny about the past, and Patrick tries to get people to use a catch phrase that he can’t exactly remember. …

NLO 1397: For The Greater Good

August 18, 2021

Patrick can’t seem to get it together. He’s got things to rant about. He has opinions on things from an old friend’s newest podcast to some racist job ads he saw recently. He wants to brag about things like learning how to make onion rings from Bobby Flay and getting his swim spa early. Everything devolves quickly into an argument about personal freedoms and vaccine mandates by government and businesses. And of course, the DRAMA. The Las Vegas comedy scene is bananas right now. We have a flamboyant delusional never-was who thinks he just filmed a “special”, a cleaned-up club promoter named “Trouble” who’s trying to fight everyone for some reason, another comedian who got hit in the face this weekend, exclusive access to a pilot Thai Rivera tried to write a few years back, and so much more! …

NLO 1396: Pellet Girl

August 6, 2021

Patrick wants to have a late night chat with you, the fans. It’s time to get away from all the hustle and bustle of the comedy drama and focus on the things that matter in life – dad living. Patrick talks about his recent acquisition of a pellet grill, to the dismay of “real bbq guys” everywhere. Patrick doesn’t care what you’re Busch Light-drinking-ass thinks or how if you “ain’t using wood, you ain’t cookin’ good.” Rhymes are for idiots and snake bite victims. Patrick talks about an ad for a music video that doesn’t make sense at all. We take a call from Mike Boudet from the Sword and Scale podcast to discuss whatever the issue with Ian Bagg is. We learn that women complain the most, Adam Corolla is getting a secret divorce, and so much more! …

NLO 1395: Unwell, Unwell, Unwell

August 4, 2021

s Vegas is heating up, and the smoking embers of bridges here in the comedy scene can be observed from miles around. Nobodies are starting new drama, bored weirdos are making big accusations, and the rat king himself, Cry-Me-A-Rivera (aka Thai Rivera, aka Balentin De Anda, aka Candy-Ass Daddy, aka ET Torso, aka Mumblestiltskin), is beginning to find himself VERY unwelcome at more and more places in a city that is ever growing wary of his shirtless photos and awkward toothy grin, coupled with the not-quite-right eyes of a poorly-constructed children’s doll. Rumors, inside Information, and scandals afoot! We hear rumors of his next move, plans of a comedy special, and more! Find out who ASSAULTED the best LGBTQ+ comedian in the WORLD! …

NLO 1394: Gossip Brunch

July 20, 2021

Patrick sits down on a Sunday to have a little hang with you, the loyal listener. Patrick gabs with the chat a bit, as there’s quite a bit going on that’s grinding his gears. Patrick is sipping on Starbucks coffee, which he had delivered. He’s aware that this is the epitome of white girl privilege, but that’s how he rolls. Brad is sick, and has cost a fortune in emergency vet bills. Her digestion isn’t running smoothly, and Patrick is worried about his white tiles and grout standing up to doggie brownie batter. Patrick is thinking about possibly attacking his swim spa salesman, who has misled and pressured him with sleazy sales tactics and is now saying it will be 9 more months before Patrick will be swimming. And of course, there’s more Thai Rivera updates than you could possibly want. We are tired of this little garbage fire, too. …

NLO 1393: Fat Pat NLO Sucks

July 14, 2021

Alex Ansel joins Patrick in the studio to talk about everything from gaming to feuds in the Las Vegas comedy community. The show starts out with a real downer note. Patrick wants to be transparent with the feedback he receives about the show, and in that spirit he reads a very mean-spirited email he received recently. It’s a real wakeup call for the host. Alex brought his Playstation 5 over to enjoy some gaming activities on Patrick’s new massive TV. Patrick still doesn’t understand gaming, but he likes to watch and study people who do. Patrick sings songs to his dog in baby talk to the tune of the theme song from The Little Prince. We get in to the recent drama regarding Thai Rivera attempting to copyright strike our YouTube channel and explain why he doesn’t have a prayer in court. …