Show Archive

NLO 1388: Pawtistic

Patrick has serious concerns about the dog he has allowed in to his home and heart. How do you know when it’s time to give up and just put it outside in the dirt? Seriously? This show starts out normal enough, but evolves in to what is sure to be a landmark moment for the Nobody Likes Onions program. After six years of nothing but harassment and hope from those who follow our history with Crazy Joe, the man himself calls in to the show to talk with Patrick and bury the hatchet! Joe want to possibly broadcast his show on the Onions network, but he’s hesitant to trust the fans if they’re all like that idiot, Curran. There’s big news regarding our personal freedoms and it’s way too confusing to be an accident. Patrick ponders the trouble with Bill and Melina Grates and thinks there might be a BIG scandal coming soon!

NLO 1387: Crypto Crybabies

Comedian Scott Bowser is in studio for the first time in almost seven years. While he’s taken a break from standup for awhile, he has found a new love for podcasting. Patrick laments at how easy it is for people to startup a podcast with no conviction. Private messaging app Signal has pissed off Facebook by exposing how much personal information they know about people. The guys discuss the old days, including the early days of cryptocurrency, leaving Los Angeles, and more. Patrick questions Scott about his new profession in the cannibis industry. Patrick doesn’t buy in to experts, labs and testing; it’s all made up nonsense. Scott peruses some baseball cards that Patrick recently acquired to tell him if they might be worth something. Patrick comes up with a new idea for a Vegas-style baby go bye-bye clinic.

NLO 1386: Discount Doodle

Patrick is fully vaccinated and can now eat dog, and he got a new Goldendoodle puppy just to test the theory. Listen to the harrowing tale of how Patrick hunted and finally got a great deal on a potentially illegal or mentally defective dog. Caitlyn Jenner is trying to be the mayor of California, and Patrick doesn’t understand why she’s even worthy of consideration. As bonus evidence of our obsession with worshipping people regardless of merit, we find a video of Caitlyn singing on The Masked Singer, and it’s AWFUL. Elon Muskrat is going to host Saturday Night Live and people are super upset about it. Bowen Yang doesn’t like it, but most people don’t like Bowen Yang. Patrick gives away a sofa to a psycho who can’t stop talking about Brooklyn. Apple is going get everyone killed with their new stalker-friendly Airtags gimmicks.

NLO 1385: Comedy Kings & Curry Queens

Alex “KOOL-AID” Ansel joins Patrick in the studio for the first time since the pandemic rained down it’s prolonged hiatus on fun and social interaction. Both of them are scheduled to get their second vaccine this week, and they figured they would forego safety and hunker down together for a few hours. Patrick makes some predictions for the future when Bitcoin rules us all. Alex recently splurged for a PlayStation 5, or a PS5 as the kids are calling it. He feels guilty about the expenditure, so he’s making large fiscal cuts in his life, including severing ties with the pay-for-risqué enthusiast site, OnlyFans. Patrick probes Kool-Aid about how OnlyFans works and why it’s so attractive. Spoiler alert: it’s mostly buttholes. Patrick is concerned his TV and smart devices are spying on everything.

NLO 1384: Trippin’ With Thai

Patrick is joined by comedians George White and Adam Dominguez as they recount the tale of going on the road with Thai about a year ago. Was he a nice man? Was he fair and super sweet? Find out on this scandalous behind-the-scenes expose, with never-before-seen footage, photos, screenshots and more. You’ll feel like you were there as Patrick asks the questions you’d ask if your mom hadn’t taught you manners. Was Thai funny on stage? Is he always super low energy? Is his face always this puffy? The answers to these gems are in this episode, and other horror stories from the road with Vegas comedians sprinkled in for good measure. We finish the show with startling evidence that Thai may be psychologically grooming comedians for abuse later on.

NLO 1382: Getting Gooky

Patrick is joined in the studio by comedian Matt Markman, who has the honor of being the first guest in our new studio. Matt is vaccinated, and Patrick recently had his first shot of the Pfizer shot. The guys discuss vaccination and conspiracies, along with what might be in it for Bill Gates if he is, in fact, microchipping all of us. Patrick wants to get a puppy, and is overwhelmed by the number of “doodle” breeds available. Rick’s Wings N’ Rings has some new dishes they’d like to promote during the show. Matt prefers comic book movies to things like Godzilla vs. Kong, but Patrick appreciates the latter for it’s authenticity. A Tampa Bay Buccaneer us under fire for using a racial slur in a tweet. Rage rooms are taking over, Cool Cat is back, and more.

NLO 1381: THAI RIVERA vs. TRIXX Full Breakdown

Joke thievery is no laughing matter! The Las Vegas comedy scene is spicy, and most of the bickering centers around everybody’s favorite drama donut, Thai Rivera, accusing Canadian comedian Trixx of joke theft – the most unforgivable of comedy crimes. Who’s lying? Who did what? Is there more to the story? Let’s listen to what Thai has to say, and hold his attempted joke theft exposure up to what we know about his past behavior. Let’s see what proof and substance Thai provides to try to ruin the reputation of a Canadian comedian he used to call “friend.” Is time running out for Thai in Las Vegas?

NLO 1380: Recalibrate Your Crazy

It’s another weekend in Las Vegas, and the streets are sizzling with sweet, sweet comedy drama. In this show, Patrick share some great news from his HOA. He grapples with the prospect of getting the vaccine soon and asks for listener feedback. The show might switch to YouTube for live shows soon, because Twitch is too woke. Patrick has taken to selling graphics cards on eBay during the shortage, and has some unkind words for Craigslist shoppers. Patrick recaps all the history with Butch Bradley, as it’s become a topic of discussion again recently. Two individuals on Facebook have caught Patrick’s eye for their short fuses and inability to self-soothe. Catherine Maloney is mad at men, herself and the world, and want’s everyone to know about it.

NLO 1379: Pure Hate

Patrick continues bitching about the woes of home ownership, including a recent faucet repair and more HOA drama. He also recently found himself furniture shopping and purchasing some sofas from a company called Lovesac. I hope you enjoy fifteen minute rants about customer service and how not to dress your employees. NLO wants to jump on the NFT hypetrain and issue a limited set of NLO trading cards. Stay tuned for more. After a small political rant, Patrick expresses concerns for the mental health of some people on his Facebook news feed, including a comedic peer, Brian Scolaro. Please calibrate your crazy. Flappers Comedy Club is still scamming comics. Comedians are becoming more and more desperate.

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