Show Archive • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

Melton in the Morning – April 14, 2023

April 16, 2023

Friday’s were made for scrimpin’, and that’s just what we’ll do. One of these days I swear I’m gonna scrimp all over you! Mooby and The Scrimp are watching videos of Mooby trying to fight with him ham fists, and even better, trying to train other mealy-minded dopes to fight as well. The superchat grift is getting old to a lot of YouTube fans. Stevie Lew might be becoming an Onion, but it’s hard to tell. Patrick won’t just hate Bert Kreischer because you say so. The chat room teaches Patrick what a baleen is. Corey Adams streamed all night to threes of people and then deleted the video before Patrick could show people. Patrick wants to buy ad time on Steel Toe. Chad Zumock calls in. …

Melton in the Morning – April 13, 2023

April 16, 2023

Patrick has upgraded the entire sound chain in the studio, and gotten rid of the line noise and hiss that has slowly developed and mired the show in an unpleasant audio cacophony. But crisp audio and fun time are on the way. Patrick gets schooled on how to improve the show by David Attenborough. Corey Adam cannot stop showing his ass and we are here for it – you won’t believe how odd his new “show” is. Some ex-comic in Tampa named Mersh or Merch (no one can confirm) seems to be harboring a decade-long resentment of Patrick because of an interaction years ago. Patrick rejected Mersh’s insane offering of post-midnight steaks and skanks, and that has scarred his brain forever. …

Melton in the Morning – April 10, 2023

April 16, 2023

Good Mooby Monday! Come have some fun with Patrick and a train of thought that is sure to exclusively lead you on an adventure through your own brain! On today’s show we forget to even turn on Mooby and his little friend, and when we finally do, he’s seven minutes in to yelling about Patrick watching even though he wasn’t. We watch for half an hour today and bail as soon as Mooby moves on to making fun of black people with songs and voices. Patrick showcases some of the wretched Las Vegas comedy community, including Lex Las Vegas who recently did a comedy sketch parody about Mr. Onion, whatever that means. We call a strange man who challenged us to do so, and Patrick gets conned out of a $100 payday. …

NLO 1461: Kevin Don’t Sell Tickets!

April 8, 2023

Patrick has a problem with several men on the internet and wants to talk to you about it. Recently, the brother of one comedian and the son of another have been leveling threats at Patrick. Whatever needs to be said shall be said tonight. Kevin Brennan is mad and Patrick isn’t going to stand for it. After a recent show, Intenret rabblerouser Bexks has clipped a piece of a show where Patrick was talking about not inviting Kevin to the Vegas meetup. Apparently Kevin got wind of it and went on a verbal rant about it on the latest MLC. Thai Rivera is having a bad time in Austin and this time is almost cost him everything. …

NLO 1460: Rodney Wayne’s World

March 21, 2023

Can we just step outside the circle of Aaron Imholte, his flabby little moobs, his sad young wife, and his insane impression of a 2006 radio show for a few minutes? We have a local comedian here in Las Vegas who needs his diaper changed real quick. Rodney Wayne is a tough-talking beta boi who gets real shy when confronted by actual professional comedians about his completely garbage comedy. This guys needs to quit and go spend time with his family – it’s not going to work out for this full-grown chode of a man. Chad Zumock likes to talk and we should clear that up real quick. …

NLO 1459: No Bribes Please

March 9, 2023

Patrick tries to report on the normal topics and operations as the battle between Steel Toe Morning Show and comedian Chad Zumock begin to heat up. Moody has whipped up some new AI voice tools for the chat, but they work about as well as everything else around here. Jimmy Kimmel’s comedy club here in Vegas admits to booking just anyone and not vetting the people on it’s stage whatsoever. Edwin San Juan, local headliner and shy man, begins to slowly break free of his shackles of silence and correct the wrongs he sees in the Las Vegas comedy scene. Kitty Pineapple is bad for Filipino comedians. Komedian Wayne seems like a giant dope. A brief history of Laugh After Dark versus Notoriety Live. …

NLO 1458: Colonel Slanders

February 17, 2023

Patrick must have gotten a good night’s sleep, because he’s downright cherubic at the outset of this show, complimenting the good nature of people like Big Irish Jay for good deeds gone unnoticed. It makes Jay uncomfortable, but isn’t balance important? Patrick also shines some light on Johnny Brim and AJ Rivera who seem to be running a great show on Friday nights here in Las Vegas. Josh Denny can’t interact with his own chat during live shows. The World Series of Comedy is gearing back up and LA Comedy Club can’t jump fast enough to be a part of this low-tier comedian grift-fest. They’ve dragged their new venue at The OYO casino in to it, where Laugh After Dark will be slumming it for their new residency starting this weekend. …

NLO 1457: Females Ain’t Funny

February 16, 2023

Patrick is back with a satirical show that’s sure to sooth your succulents. If you aren’t a cactus person, you’ll probably still enjoy it. Patrick has ideas for how to really make Valentine’s Day pop by changing things up the day before. He’s had about enough of women thinking they’re equal or funny and he’s going to recalibrate their tiny brains in this episode. Patrick makes an earnest plea for support of the program after crapping all over half the audience. We get a live report from a show where apparently some comedy thievery is afoot. The truth about Jozalyn Sharp finally comes out, just days before her album. Comedians from far corners of nowhere are taking out insane ads on Facebook. …

NLO 1456: Killing The Beef

February 13, 2023

The producers of Laugh After Dark along with host Charlie Wilson have graciously offered to assist Patrick in making Butch Bradley look like a complete out-of-it dope for all the internet to see! The Laugh After Dark producers are starting a podcast segment called Kill The Beef, where they are inviting comedians with issues in the community to come in and work them out. Patrick jumped at this chance to call Butch Bradley out on the mat to crush this situation. Edwin San Juan pops in the chat to explain his lack of trust of Butch, and also reiterated that if Patrick was making false claims about him, he would definitely come to the table to work it out. …