Show Archive • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

NLO 1391: Going Down In Smoke

June 21, 2021

Thai Rivera is smoking or snorting more of whatever he smokes or snorts than usual. In this show, Patrick details this insane man’s plan to take Las Vegas by storm with a residency show that promises to be a complete clusterfuck. Void of planning, talent, capabilities, contacts, technical prowess, marketing money or common sense, Thai is forging forward at the expense of a newer local comic named Ralph Tutela. Patrick predicts how this debacle will play out. We then move on to cover Derek Savage’s 2021 edition of the 420 Awards, with less production value and a sadder presence than ever before. Aside from the usual pointless fumbling through handing out awards to people that are not present, this year Derek has convinced some local Vegas comedians to come in and do some of the presenting. …

NLO 1390: Pawn Protocol

June 9, 2021

Chef is back to check on the show he helped grow so many years ago, and his curmudgeonly attitude is still oozing from his pores. Patrick and Chef walk down podcast memory lane a little, and discuss why Patrick is still doing this. Chef is in the babyproofing business and Patrick wants some tips for his dog. Patrick is still losing at poker all these years later. Chef’s Florida neighbor is squirreling away money from his wife. Patrick is confused by whatever bone induction headphones are and why they need to be worn all day. The guys muse about the convenience of having a podcast stenographer. Patrick shares with Chef the origins of Rick’s and how Rick Harrison from Pawn Stars has let his fame go to his head. Patrick argues with Chef about the true meaning of being a father, and Chef shares a new service he’s been using. …

NLO 1389: Comedy Whistleblowers (Part 1)

May 26, 2021

Patrick is back to go over some of the stories he meant to cover in the previous show. Crazy Joe derailed the programming a bit, so today you get leftovers. Patrick is happy to be out in society without a mask, but is super sus about the way we were all told about it. Rachel Maddow is having some issue processing things. Sarah Silverman can’t seem to understand that, in general, men are stronger than women. Patrick breaks down the recent events involving the “cancelling” of Tony Hinchcliffe by a virtue signaling opportunity-seeking nobody comic in Austin. AirBNB is trying to get you to think they are cool by setting up overnight stays in Popeyes chicken restaurants and the last Blockbuster video store in Bend, Oregon. …

NLO 1388: Pawtistic

May 18, 2021

Patrick has serious concerns about the dog he has allowed in to his home and heart. How do you know when it’s time to give up and just put it outside in the dirt? Seriously? This show starts out normal enough, but evolves in to what is sure to be a landmark moment for the Nobody Likes Onions program. After six years of nothing but harassment and hope from those who follow our history with Crazy Joe, the man himself calls in to the show to talk with Patrick and bury the hatchet! Joe want to possibly broadcast his show on the Onions network, but he’s hesitant to trust the fans if they’re all like that idiot, Curran. There’s big news regarding our personal freedoms and it’s way too confusing to be an accident. Patrick ponders the trouble with Bill and Melina Grates and thinks there might be a BIG scandal coming soon! …

NLO 1387: Crypto Crybabies

May 10, 2021

Comedian Scott Bowser is in studio for the first time in almost seven years. While he’s taken a break from standup for awhile, he has found a new love for podcasting. Patrick laments at how easy it is for people to startup a podcast with no conviction. Private messaging app Signal has pissed off Facebook by exposing how much personal information they know about people. The guys discuss the old days, including the early days of cryptocurrency, leaving Los Angeles, and more. Patrick questions Scott about his new profession in the cannibis industry. Patrick doesn’t buy in to experts, labs and testing; it’s all made up nonsense. Scott peruses some baseball cards that Patrick recently acquired to tell him if they might be worth something. Patrick comes up with a new idea for a Vegas-style baby go bye-bye clinic. …

NLO 1386: Discount Doodle

May 4, 2021

Patrick is fully vaccinated and can now eat dog, and he got a new Goldendoodle puppy just to test the theory. Listen to the harrowing tale of how Patrick hunted and finally got a great deal on a potentially illegal or mentally defective dog. Caitlyn Jenner is trying to be the mayor of California, and Patrick doesn’t understand why she’s even worthy of consideration. As bonus evidence of our obsession with worshipping people regardless of merit, we find a video of Caitlyn singing on The Masked Singer, and it’s AWFUL. Elon Muskrat is going to host Saturday Night Live and people are super upset about it. Bowen Yang doesn’t like it, but most people don’t like Bowen Yang. Patrick gives away a sofa to a psycho who can’t stop talking about Brooklyn. Apple is going get everyone killed with their new stalker-friendly Airtags gimmicks. …

NLO 1385: Comedy Kings & Curry Queens

April 21, 2021

Alex “KOOL-AID” Ansel joins Patrick in the studio for the first time since the pandemic rained down it’s prolonged hiatus on fun and social interaction. Both of them are scheduled to get their second vaccine this week, and they figured they would forego safety and hunker down together for a few hours. Patrick makes some predictions for the future when Bitcoin rules us all. Alex recently splurged for a PlayStation 5, or a PS5 as the kids are calling it. He feels guilty about the expenditure, so he’s making large fiscal cuts in his life, including severing ties with the pay-for-risqué enthusiast site, OnlyFans. Patrick probes Kool-Aid about how OnlyFans works and why it’s so attractive. Spoiler alert: it’s mostly buttholes. Patrick is concerned his TV and smart devices are spying on everything. …

NLO 1384: Trippin’ With Thai

April 14, 2021

Patrick is joined by comedians George White and Adam Dominguez as they recount the tale of going on the road with Thai about a year ago. Was he a nice man? Was he fair and super sweet? Find out on this scandalous behind-the-scenes expose, with never-before-seen footage, photos, screenshots and more. You’ll feel like you were there as Patrick asks the questions you’d ask if your mom hadn’t taught you manners. Was Thai funny on stage? Is he always super low energy? Is his face always this puffy? The answers to these gems are in this episode, and other horror stories from the road with Vegas comedians sprinkled in for good measure. We finish the show with startling evidence that Thai may be psychologically grooming comedians for abuse later on. …

NLO 1382: Getting Gooky

April 7, 2021

Patrick is joined in the studio by comedian Matt Markman, who has the honor of being the first guest in our new studio. Matt is vaccinated, and Patrick recently had his first shot of the Pfizer shot. The guys discuss vaccination and conspiracies, along with what might be in it for Bill Gates if he is, in fact, microchipping all of us. Patrick wants to get a puppy, and is overwhelmed by the number of “doodle” breeds available. Rick’s Wings N’ Rings has some new dishes they’d like to promote during the show. Matt prefers comic book movies to things like Godzilla vs. Kong, but Patrick appreciates the latter for it’s authenticity. A Tampa Bay Buccaneer us under fire for using a racial slur in a tweet. Rage rooms are taking over, Cool Cat is back, and more. …