Patrick is joined by JAKE LLOYD in the studio today. Patrick has been instagram-ing. You should check out this picture of eyelashes on a car. Patrick teaches Jake why credit and bank accounts are important. Patrick has switched to an Android phone. We take a look at a video that makes a father of a Sandy Hook victim look fake. Patrick hates Criss Angel and wants to start doing magic. A caller calls in to remind Patrick about an idea he has for fixing society. Patrick has a new fancy haircut that he got from a fancy stylist. England sucked so bad, half of the people left. Teen boys want to kiss Patrick, and the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow is really a table saw.