It’s Patrick’s birthday, and although he appreciates the love and gifts from those who have gathered. Enough is enough. Some people don’t understand what gifts are good, and what gifts are chores. Amazon gift cards or cash, please. None of this other feel-good horseshit. Patrick ordered a new iPhone 12 Pro that should be delivered today, but UPS is fucking it up royally. Patrick has to sprint off midshow to intercept the package at a wrong address. When he returns, he recaps his birthday, including a genealogy exam, his new phone, and a peanut butter ice cream cake. Roy calls in to talk politics, and he is more woke than ever.