Page 35 • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

Melton in the Morning (Nov. 1, 2022

December 6, 2022

Patrick does a quick introduction for Rokfin people, and explains that this show will be improving slowly. A transgender woman buys the Miss Universe pageant. Costco is selling a 60,000 piece puzzle. Hollywood is being overrun by the homeless and no one seems to care. The grossest man ever is dead, possibly from trying to be clean. People are snapping at parties and shooting people. Why can't people just have wild conspiracies and believe nonsense anymore? The Paul Pelosi thing has some weird details and there's something amiss. Kanye West is pouring money in to something called the Ecosystem. Kindness is overrated.

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NLO 1443: 43

December 1, 2022

It’s Patrick’s birthday! Patrick went to Barry’s Downtown Prime steakhouse for a delicious birthday dinner, and he is unhappy to report that they still didn’t nail the temperature on his steak. Patrick has a bombshell from Agent O. Allegedly Leslie Jones assaulted and cost a bartender his job after a recent interaction. Josh Denny claims to have talked to Kanye West for hours, and is possibly going to be working on his new clothing line! Is it a lie? Chappelle is hosting SNL and the writers are threatening to boycott. The Oscars are trying to become relevant again by bringing back Jimmy Kimmel, as if anyone is interested. …

NLO 1442: SWAT Dream

November 16, 2022

There’s a good chance we aren’t going to make it. All aboard the crazy train! Patrick Is hopped up on Indian food and promoting the new stuff over in the NLO Store. Patrick is excited about his upcoming birthday so please buy him something immediately or send dollars. Patrick wants to really start using the PO Box so send in your weird stuff immediately! We go over a brief history of SWATing and how it works. Is Less Than Jake dead yet because Patrick has memories about it. Apologies for the crappy sign, but it could be a lot worse. Captain Paprika himself, David Hollywood Hulett cuts his live stream when they discover NLO watching! Thai goes to Ocha to “hang out” now. Patrick makes a mistake about GrandTheftGinger Ryan Bourassa.. …

Aftershow 1441: Halloween Spectacular!

November 16, 2022

Patrick is back with a FREE apology show to make up for the cancellation of last night's aftershow! It's the anniversary of Butch Bradley stealing $1200 from Patrick! We get in to some hot BBQ talk and give a warning for anyone who wants to brine a turkey this Thanksgiving.If you think you know everything there is to know about rubs and coarse ground pepper, you have another thing coming! We present a very scary HALLOWEEN edition of The Tweets I Seen, featuring Casper The Comic in heels and lipstick. Angie Krum cannot stop herself from grabbing low-hanging comedy fruit, and she wants you to be hacky on the radio like her! Our old friend Nick Starr is back posting mental breakdowns and publicly airing out his relationship drama on social media again.

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NLO 1441: Musk Mandates

November 16, 2022

Patrick is in a mood and he’s here to take it out on your ear holes! We’re relaunching PM in the AM over on Rokfin and Patrick has some plugging to do about it. Patrick thought there was a ghost in the studio and yelled at the curtain for no reason. The midterm election is right around the corner, and Patrick has some opinions on how stupid all of it is. Paul Pelosi has been hammered in the head, which is crazy! The chat gets very uncomfortable as Patrick tries to shake people away from being radicalized robots. Reboot your brains and start thinking again for the sake of society. Patrick talks about why starting your own whatever never works anymore. Practical home alarm system advice is hard to come by, but we’ve got it here …

BONUS – Skankfest Recap

November 10, 2022

Patrick checks in after a short hiatus without shows. Some medical issues have been plaguing Patrick's ability to move about this earth without being in pain. Patrick recaps attending Skankfest Las Vegas and watching Thai Rivera walk half the room in five minutes. The movie Bros is awful and Billy Eichner is having a tough time with it. Patrick tries to wrap his head around dads and their love for Over the Top Chili. Casper ThaComic refuses to put up the recording he covertly made of Patrick at a recent open mic. Patrick tries to explain what he's going through but he gets a little choked up and just has to leave. Or maybe it's a bit. It's hard to tell anymore.

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NLO 1440: Is Comedy Broken?

November 9, 2022

Patrick is in a mood as the show kicks off and he has frustrating issues with his Mac and iPad. Patrick talks about the return of PM in the AM which will exclusively be available on RokFin and the Overdose. There’s never been more options for content creators to lose money on! Comedy is changing, and comedy in Las Vegas is a weird creature on its own. Patrick rants about comedians who constantly headline bar shows over and over and over and continue to advertise them like it’s special every week. Patrick rubs weed dust in his eyes and has to scream for seven minutes about it. The Paprika Show is one of the most revealing and sad productions on the Las Vegas comedy scene. We listen to an ex-UFC fighter and a hairdresser talk about nothing. …

NLO 1439: Separated at Girth

November 1, 2022

Patrick is joined by a doppelgänger live in studio. Don’t adjust your graphics cards. Sean Conway is here and Patrick is gonna make him pay for it. We kick off the show with Alex Ansel pulling pranks. We then dive in to a story about Sean wanting to do his laundry at Patrick’s place. It seems simple, but there’s a workflow issue that Patrick can’t let go. Find out how long two people can argue about something neither cares about. A new idea for a business has emerged in the back of Patrick’s brain that could save people a lot of money. Patrick screamed at a stranger at the dog park recently and it felt really great. Sean does a lot to live up to the racist stereotypical Aussie loose unit. …

SPECIAL: Hunting of the Ghost

October 24, 2022

Nobody Likes Onions is proud to present one of its deep dives! For fans of conspiracies and the mentally ill, Patrick is proud to present Casper ThaComic, Las Vegas's very own bad-boy rapper turned chuckle cuck. But who is this comedy newb who showed up in Vegas pounding his chest? Agent O has provided the show with so much information on the previous career attempts of this young try hard. Before his fledgling attempt at comedy for the past 9 months, Casper ThaComic was Casper ThaGamer, and before that, he was Casper ThaGhost, a lower-tier battle rapping nerd with the sporadic cadence of a Tourette's school marching band. We go through the battles, from the rap stage to the gaming console, both virtual and verbal. The cringe is real

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NLO 1438: Under the Rug

October 24, 2022

Is there news from the desert sands of Las Vegas? Thai Rivera prepares to eject from the Las Vegas comedy scene once and for all. What’s next for comedy’s favorite little disaster magnet? Pour a warm tea and join us, won’t you? Patrick briefly addresses why he won’t be discussing the recent incident that occurred at his comedy “special” taping. Occasionally on the show we have to hide some things and backtrack. Have you guys heard the one about the two guys who don’t know what they’re doing starting an open mic? Thai Rivera has so much time on his hands that he goes over to David “Hollywood” Hulett’s place to sit in his kitchen and record an episode of The Paprika Show, Las Vegas’s hottest new meh-cast. …

NLO 1437: Pause Your Emotions

October 21, 2022

Free popcorn to the first eight people in the chat! Patrick is off to Colorado to run some content. Diaz Mackie calls out Patrick for downloading his special. Lots of hot BBQ talk. Patrick reveals an insane rumor about a recent brawl on the Las Vegas scene. We have a bombshell coming soon about Casper that you won’t want to miss. Josh Denny wants credit for a joke he said earlier. Anthony Cumia and Gavin McInness have had enough of Josh Denny bringing weird losers around their shows and roast him on Compound Media. Apologies to Angie Krum for revealing her joke theft. Thai Rivera is turning in to a skull before our very eyes and seems very confused about his own confidence. Patrick breaks down why Thai won’t ever have massive success in comedy. …

NLO 1436: Hot Chicken & Cold Engines

October 20, 2022

granpapa set aside for emergencies! Patrick’s back with a whole bag of new “meh” for you to twiddle your little brains about. Patrick is concerned about fans who donate with unrealistic expectations. Patrick has a new favorite chicken spot. Is anyone else getting too fat? There’s some hot takes on the death of the queen and the integrity of the powerful. What is going on in the world? Steak is too expensive and everyone is broken. Smart people are believing insane things. Ryan Bourassa lashes out about his recent allegations of atrocity. Thai Rivera has learned some more video editing tricks and he can’t stop making manic home movies. …

Trouble in Vegas AGAIN!?

October 19, 2022

Pull up a Thai and order some chair. Patrick predicts an ending to the Thai Ocha Open Mic live streams and fanfare very soon. We are watching the slow train wreck that is Casper's ego collide with the ever-changing permitter of Thai Rivera's insecurity. It could blow at any moment. We still don't have time for new people. Patrick thinks Vegas is turning him sour. A comedy club in Vegas has a real problem with their videos. Patrick calls Ocha Thai to see if the open mic is cancelled or if Thai is genuinely in hiding. We cover a recent violent incident on the Las Vegas comedy scene which involves a past NLO lolcow getting popped and locked. Patrick reveals never-before-seen messages from Trouble in Vegas.

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Aftershow 1435: Ghost Hunting

October 10, 2022

Casper the Comic might be more insidious than we originally realized. Regardless of his intentions, the overconfidence embodied by this dude is beyond cringe. We dive in to Casper and start to also explore a new potential curiosity named Amaru out of Lansing, Michigan. Agent O has submitted quite a few new case studies to our little museum of oddities, and we plan to get to them all. Be patient while Patrick meanders the mazes of mystery laid before us. Everything in due time. ow drink your medicine and say your prayers. Night falls soon.

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NLO 1435: A Night of Apologies

October 10, 2022

Patrick is fresh off his appearance on the Laugh After Dark podcast and he’s going to spill all the dirt. Our chat room members are all hiding something. Patrick has a big announcement about the Overdose to kick off the night on the right foot. There’s a word of warning for people thinking about home invading Patrick in the future. Johnny Brim spent his Monday trying to find enough signal out at Hoover Dam to post multiple cope fits about the recent show that covered his roast with Casper. There’s been a giant misunderstanding and tonight we get to the bottom of it. Johnny Brim shows up in the chat and the boys bury the hatchet like gentlemen of means. Casper the Comic might be more insidious than we originally realized. …

BONUS – Vegas Comedy Specials, Ahoy!

September 21, 2022

We are holding Laugh After Dark accountable to the standard of other Las Vegas comedy specials. Adam Dominguez. Skillz Hudson. The comedy cube is on fire! We check them all out. Patrick tells the story about getting drunk with Todd Glass in Tampa years ago. We fire up Amazon Prime and purchase Diaz Mackie's special to see what standards are being set in Vegas comedy. It seems like our old pal Trouble aka Artemio Rios aka Gutter Breath aka Coke Throat has produced and put together a night like no other for the taping of this release. But has the special caused a riff between Trouble and Diaz? How did Diaz do? How does it look and sound? Did they pay to play copyrighted music in this thing?

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BONUS – Thai Tries: Kill Tony FailFest!

September 20, 2022

Let's watch Thai Rivera's latest blunders and his appearance on Kill Tony, which is a show where rich comedians throw garbage at poor comedians. Will Patrick have his logo fixed? Who knows! Your guess is as good as the next them's. Patrick is coughing a lot. He challenges the chat room to a BBQ competition, and our old friend Steve Curran is offended at the notion. Thai does a new video in which we get a glimpse of some of his professional camera equipment. He also boasts about how he didn't edit the latest episode of Unbothered, which allows us to get glimpses of his life in his sad studio, filled with flies and an air conditioner that doesn't work. He also complains of car trouble and tells the tale of the worst mechanic "in the world."

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BONUS – Allegations of Bourassment

September 19, 2022

Set your oscillospheres to fun! Let's clarify the extent to which this program goes after people. Johnny Brim is upset. A refresh of the whole Angie Krum situation - no hard feelings involved. We find something called The Paprika Show, hosted by Thai Rivera's favorite pianist, David "Hollywood" Hulett. We somehow go on a deep exploration of Ryan Bourassa, who pretends to be some successful YouTuber and has other dummies in the comedy community fooled. Ryan explains the reasons he has recently withdrawn from the comedy community. We've never seen more sad lies and coping from a pale stick-boy.

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