NLO 804: Chinese Archaeology

AL JACKSON and BRIAN KING are in the studio. Patrick opens the show with a bad black guy impression, and Al is not impressed. Brian’s studio camera is the sharpest and makes the other guys look like shit. Al chooses to drink from a crappy faux glass. Patrick demands show notes be taken or the show won’t go up. Al believes this makes Patrick a privileged piece of shit. The guys are reminded of the teen date they helped set up and request an update. Brian is an Apple nerd that fucks to iTunes playlists. “The Podcastle” contract has been signed! Last fights are discussed and Patrick reminds people of how he beat a guy’s face in while on the road. The guys agree that flirty girls in relationships cause bar fights, and that getting girls to leave your place after fucking is an art form. Al tells a story about a school friend who experienced rape allegations. The blacks call it “grape”. Brian turns Patrick on to the food truck Grill ’em All. Recyclable bowls suck and are for tree huggers. Al says anything goes at a wedding, including face licking. We watch a Chinese news story where dumb village people mistake a pocket pussy for a rare plant. A new social network for cats looks awfully similar to one Patrick created. Patrick reveals that his latest tweet mocking suicide hasn’t taken off. Weird. We go over an article about school censorship. A stupid fan emails about his podcast feed. Kevin Hart has become super famous and is charging people crazy money. Patrick calls Taco Bell about their coffee. We watch a video of a fat old lady receiving abuse on a bus. A British fan discusses the differences in international school systems. Patrick and Brian remind people of just how much England sucks. The NLO Experience is back! Patrick announces Patrick Bucxx for helpful fans, so get to helping!


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