Page 38 • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

Watching the Throne (Part 1 of 3)

July 14, 2021

A comedic review of the latest KING of comedy in Las Vegas. This one is a great tale from the C, and so many people helped provide insight in to the story being woven for your absolute amusement and horror. Bring your popcorn and something sharp to slisp your wrisps. This one will be a long one, so get a babysitter and tell the wife you’ll be out late with the misses. What? Pssssh. You don’t make any sense. In Part 1 we review the lead up to this guaranteed nightmare, and watch in horror as it unfolds before our very eyes for a detailed and thorough breakdown of a man’s breakdown. Enjoy! This show was originally live streamed on June 17, 2021. …

NLO 1392: No More Mr. Nice Thai

July 2, 2021

Thai Rivera issues a copyright strike on Nobody Likes Onions, and Patrick has been itching to share the latest regarding Thai’s super-unbothered attempt to crush free speech. Patrick outlines his planned response to Thai, in as much detail as he’s permitted. This copyright contest can get very ugly very quickly, and Patrick doesn’t plan to play softball with one of Vegas’s most notorious softbois. With legal troubles brewing that could have far-reaching unintended consequences in Thai’s world, and Patrick showing no signs of backing off, what will become of Thai’s new residency? The chat seems to be collectively smacking their heads at Thai’s latest move, and Patrick is asked to give Thai some serious advice as an objective onlooker. …

The KRINGE of Las Vegas

June 21, 2021

OOO GRRL! So many juice boxes to sip in this show! Thai Rivera's world is collapsing around him. His less-experienced partner has backed out of his new residency show (wise choice), his financing is in jeopardy, he is rethinking the whole show concept and searching for new variety performers, and he admits it's stressful and not ideal. Oh, also, he wants you to buy tickets for this poorly-executed garbage fire. The show has learned that the venueWe call the Thunderbird Hotel and Casino, and nobody seems to even know about Thai's show, how to buy tickets, or that it's even happening in a week. A woman at Chanclas Cantina thinks Patrick is Thai on the phone! We find out that Thai is still trying to get comics in trouble behind the scenes.

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NLO 1391: Going Down In Smoke

June 21, 2021

Thai Rivera is smoking or snorting more of whatever he smokes or snorts than usual. In this show, Patrick details this insane man’s plan to take Las Vegas by storm with a residency show that promises to be a complete clusterfuck. Void of planning, talent, capabilities, contacts, technical prowess, marketing money or common sense, Thai is forging forward at the expense of a newer local comic named Ralph Tutela. Patrick predicts how this debacle will play out. We then move on to cover Derek Savage’s 2021 edition of the 420 Awards, with less production value and a sadder presence than ever before. Aside from the usual pointless fumbling through handing out awards to people that are not present, this year Derek has convinced some local Vegas comedians to come in and do some of the presenting. …

NLO 1390: Pawn Protocol

June 9, 2021

Chef is back to check on the show he helped grow so many years ago, and his curmudgeonly attitude is still oozing from his pores. Patrick and Chef walk down podcast memory lane a little, and discuss why Patrick is still doing this. Chef is in the babyproofing business and Patrick wants some tips for his dog. Patrick is still losing at poker all these years later. Chef’s Florida neighbor is squirreling away money from his wife. Patrick is confused by whatever bone induction headphones are and why they need to be worn all day. The guys muse about the convenience of having a podcast stenographer. Patrick shares with Chef the origins of Rick’s and how Rick Harrison from Pawn Stars has let his fame go to his head. Patrick argues with Chef about the true meaning of being a father, and Chef shares a new service he’s been using. …

NLO 1389: Comedy Whistleblowers (Part 2)

May 26, 2021

The show continues with Patrick diving in to more of the stories that were leftover from the fever dream distraction that was Crazy Joe's rampage on our last show. Patrick watches a video of a Waymo vehicle driving around Phoenix and getting in to some trouble. Could the Google-backed self-driving startup be the end of Tesla one day? One thing is clear from this disaster - it's going to be a long time before we really have to worry abeout robots taking over and killing all the humans. Apparently a road cone can throw off some of the most advanced driving AI that exists, and that doesn't seem quite right. Maybe you should just keep your grandma's old Cadillac and drive that until the wheels fall off instead of pre-ordering some flashy new electric fidget spinner.

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NLO 1389: Comedy Whistleblowers (Part 1)

May 26, 2021

Patrick is back to go over some of the stories he meant to cover in the previous show. Crazy Joe derailed the programming a bit, so today you get leftovers. Patrick is happy to be out in society without a mask, but is super sus about the way we were all told about it. Rachel Maddow is having some issue processing things. Sarah Silverman can’t seem to understand that, in general, men are stronger than women. Patrick breaks down the recent events involving the “cancelling” of Tony Hinchcliffe by a virtue signaling opportunity-seeking nobody comic in Austin. AirBNB is trying to get you to think they are cool by setting up overnight stays in Popeyes chicken restaurants and the last Blockbuster video store in Bend, Oregon. …

NLO 1388: Pawtistic

May 18, 2021

Patrick has serious concerns about the dog he has allowed in to his home and heart. How do you know when it’s time to give up and just put it outside in the dirt? Seriously? This show starts out normal enough, but evolves in to what is sure to be a landmark moment for the Nobody Likes Onions program. After six years of nothing but harassment and hope from those who follow our history with Crazy Joe, the man himself calls in to the show to talk with Patrick and bury the hatchet! Joe want to possibly broadcast his show on the Onions network, but he’s hesitant to trust the fans if they’re all like that idiot, Curran. There’s big news regarding our personal freedoms and it’s way too confusing to be an accident. Patrick ponders the trouble with Bill and Melina Grates and thinks there might be a BIG scandal coming soon! …

NLO 1387: Crypto Crybabies

May 10, 2021

Comedian Scott Bowser is in studio for the first time in almost seven years. While he’s taken a break from standup for awhile, he has found a new love for podcasting. Patrick laments at how easy it is for people to startup a podcast with no conviction. Private messaging app Signal has pissed off Facebook by exposing how much personal information they know about people. The guys discuss the old days, including the early days of cryptocurrency, leaving Los Angeles, and more. Patrick questions Scott about his new profession in the cannibis industry. Patrick doesn’t buy in to experts, labs and testing; it’s all made up nonsense. Scott peruses some baseball cards that Patrick recently acquired to tell him if they might be worth something. Patrick comes up with a new idea for a Vegas-style baby go bye-bye clinic. …

Comedy.Oof – Mental Illness in Comedy

May 6, 2021

Comedians are broken. Patrick has proof. You want names? TOO MANY TO LIST. Pour a drink and let's meander through the mediocrity of comedians who don't know that they aren't comedians. This show will be LIVE for MEMBERS ONLY on YouTube and will be released to OVERDOSE members on their private RSS feed, as well as on the Nobody Likes Onions website.

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WhinyVision™ – The Diaz Mackie Interview

May 5, 2021

Comedienne Lyin' Thai Rivera sits down with comedian Diaz Mackie for what is sure to be one of the biggest mistakes of Diaz's career. Recorded well over a week ago, we've had to wait patiently while Thai wrangle together enough blood pressure to click a mouse in Windows Movie Maker so that he could cut out all of the "umm's" and "uhh's" sprinkled amongst his normal stream-of-consciousness waterfall of logical fallacies. Diaz Mackie has allegedly been accused of assault or something, and Thai is LARPing around his tiny apartment pretending to be the guy who's going to get to the bottom of it all. And if we know anything about Thai, it's that he has a lot of experience getting to bottoms.

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NLO 1386: Discount Doodle

May 4, 2021

Patrick is fully vaccinated and can now eat dog, and he got a new Goldendoodle puppy just to test the theory. Listen to the harrowing tale of how Patrick hunted and finally got a great deal on a potentially illegal or mentally defective dog. Caitlyn Jenner is trying to be the mayor of California, and Patrick doesn’t understand why she’s even worthy of consideration. As bonus evidence of our obsession with worshipping people regardless of merit, we find a video of Caitlyn singing on The Masked Singer, and it’s AWFUL. Elon Muskrat is going to host Saturday Night Live and people are super upset about it. Bowen Yang doesn’t like it, but most people don’t like Bowen Yang. Patrick gives away a sofa to a psycho who can’t stop talking about Brooklyn. Apple is going get everyone killed with their new stalker-friendly Airtags gimmicks. …

Thai Rivera UNMASKED!

April 23, 2021

SPECIAL LIVE EVENT! Patrick breaks down the latest shocking screenshots from Thai Rivera, the comedy denial-daddy extraordinaire! Adam Dominguez flips position on Thai and share INSANE conversations where Thai threatens, belittles, lies, and tries to manipulate Adam on multiple occasions. This is by far the most indicting evidence that has been given to Patrick to share publicly that we have seen of Thai's character and lack of empathy and compassion.

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Afershow 1385: Alex Ansel, Thai Rivera Leaks!

April 21, 2021

Alex Ansel sticks around for today's aftershow, and Patrick has unearthed a treasure trove of information about everybody's favorite comedic drama doorknob, Thai Rivera. Why a doorknob? Don't overthink it. Patrick has recently found out some insane stories about Thai. The following juicy details have recently been alleged by a scandalous source: Thai's parents don't really like him, Thai used to be a hard drug addict, Thai lost a sister who was his best friend and felt no remorse, Thai pays his bills through prostitution, Thai made his mom wrap her car with his picture, Thai got tattoos to signal the illuminati that he's down for whatever, and so much more. We have photos and videos that Thai has erased from all his social media, and we will go over them thoroughly.

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NLO 1385: Comedy Kings & Curry Queens

April 21, 2021

Alex “KOOL-AID” Ansel joins Patrick in the studio for the first time since the pandemic rained down it’s prolonged hiatus on fun and social interaction. Both of them are scheduled to get their second vaccine this week, and they figured they would forego safety and hunker down together for a few hours. Patrick makes some predictions for the future when Bitcoin rules us all. Alex recently splurged for a PlayStation 5, or a PS5 as the kids are calling it. He feels guilty about the expenditure, so he’s making large fiscal cuts in his life, including severing ties with the pay-for-risqué enthusiast site, OnlyFans. Patrick probes Kool-Aid about how OnlyFans works and why it’s so attractive. Spoiler alert: it’s mostly buttholes. Patrick is concerned his TV and smart devices are spying on everything. …

WhinyVision™ – Bad VS. Evil

April 14, 2021

We begin today by recounting the events of the previous evening, where Thai tried once again to intimidate a comic he has bullied in the past. Patrick tells all local comics to just start recording Thai Rivera wherever he is, in private conversations and on stage. He does this to other people, and posts it online, along with other private conversations, and reciprocation is in order. Thai Rivera is back from doing shows and found enough energy to record a weak deflection that is full of lies, empty of energy, and lacks any focus whatsoever as he tries again to rehash and skewer 11 different people in the comedy community. He has a clear lack of focus between emotional collapses and bouts of unbridled anxiety, while alternating between weird semi-apologies and tough, no-nonsense professional.

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NLO 1384: Trippin’ With Thai

April 14, 2021

Patrick is joined by comedians George White and Adam Dominguez as they recount the tale of going on the road with Thai about a year ago. Was he a nice man? Was he fair and super sweet? Find out on this scandalous behind-the-scenes expose, with never-before-seen footage, photos, screenshots and more. You’ll feel like you were there as Patrick asks the questions you’d ask if your mom hadn’t taught you manners. Was Thai funny on stage? Is he always super low energy? Is his face always this puffy? The answers to these gems are in this episode, and other horror stories from the road with Vegas comedians sprinkled in for good measure. We finish the show with startling evidence that Thai may be psychologically grooming comedians for abuse later on. …

NLO 1383: Umm, Bothered

April 9, 2021

Thai Rivera is back at it again, trying to explain away the same altercations for the third show in a row. This one is a LOLlercoaster of emotion, as Thai can't decide whether or not he wants to make up with people from one minute to the next. He waffles from indifferent to incensed with the manic energy of a teen girl. He also cannot stop texting Patrick throughout the show, which becomes annoying by the end. Patrick reveals how he trapped Thai into all-but proving his vanity by getting him to buy YouTube views. Thai starts new fights with comics Spiro and Jozalyn Sharp, while doubling down on old beefs with Matt Markman, Gooch, Bobby and Krystle, Big Irish Jay, Trixx, and so many more. It's uncomfortable, edited to shit, and lack focus and a cohesive point.

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