Page 40 • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

Aftershow 1396: Thai Rivera Tries and Lies

August 8, 2021

Patrick dives in to the latest microagression on his ears that is Unbothered. Thai Rivera hastily recounts the events of last weekend where he was allegedly assaulted by another member of the comedy community. But is everything as it seems? Is Thai really the victim he wants you to think he is? He is claiming that the attack was racially motivated, but also that it stems from hurt feelings over a Facebook blocking. It's sad to watch a man try to play tough but also work every possible angle in the world to be seen as a victim. The delusion reaches new heights, and of course he wanders down a million paths in his memory, reliving countless past altercations and times he has had major fall outs with friends. It's almost like there is a pattern, but someone is too dumb to see it.

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NLO 1396: Pellet Girl

August 6, 2021

Patrick wants to have a late night chat with you, the fans. It’s time to get away from all the hustle and bustle of the comedy drama and focus on the things that matter in life – dad living. Patrick talks about his recent acquisition of a pellet grill, to the dismay of “real bbq guys” everywhere. Patrick doesn’t care what you’re Busch Light-drinking-ass thinks or how if you “ain’t using wood, you ain’t cookin’ good.” Rhymes are for idiots and snake bite victims. Patrick talks about an ad for a music video that doesn’t make sense at all. We take a call from Mike Boudet from the Sword and Scale podcast to discuss whatever the issue with Ian Bagg is. We learn that women complain the most, Adam Corolla is getting a secret divorce, and so much more! …

NLO 1395: Unwell, Unwell, Unwell

August 4, 2021

s Vegas is heating up, and the smoking embers of bridges here in the comedy scene can be observed from miles around. Nobodies are starting new drama, bored weirdos are making big accusations, and the rat king himself, Cry-Me-A-Rivera (aka Thai Rivera, aka Balentin De Anda, aka Candy-Ass Daddy, aka ET Torso, aka Mumblestiltskin), is beginning to find himself VERY unwelcome at more and more places in a city that is ever growing wary of his shirtless photos and awkward toothy grin, coupled with the not-quite-right eyes of a poorly-constructed children’s doll. Rumors, inside Information, and scandals afoot! We hear rumors of his next move, plans of a comedy special, and more! Find out who ASSAULTED the best LGBTQ+ comedian in the WORLD! …

NLO 1394: Gossip Brunch

July 20, 2021

Patrick sits down on a Sunday to have a little hang with you, the loyal listener. Patrick gabs with the chat a bit, as there’s quite a bit going on that’s grinding his gears. Patrick is sipping on Starbucks coffee, which he had delivered. He’s aware that this is the epitome of white girl privilege, but that’s how he rolls. Brad is sick, and has cost a fortune in emergency vet bills. Her digestion isn’t running smoothly, and Patrick is worried about his white tiles and grout standing up to doggie brownie batter. Patrick is thinking about possibly attacking his swim spa salesman, who has misled and pressured him with sleazy sales tactics and is now saying it will be 9 more months before Patrick will be swimming. And of course, there’s more Thai Rivera updates than you could possibly want. We are tired of this little garbage fire, too. …

NLO 1393: Fat Pat NLO Sucks

July 14, 2021

Alex Ansel joins Patrick in the studio to talk about everything from gaming to feuds in the Las Vegas comedy community. The show starts out with a real downer note. Patrick wants to be transparent with the feedback he receives about the show, and in that spirit he reads a very mean-spirited email he received recently. It’s a real wakeup call for the host. Alex brought his Playstation 5 over to enjoy some gaming activities on Patrick’s new massive TV. Patrick still doesn’t understand gaming, but he likes to watch and study people who do. Patrick sings songs to his dog in baby talk to the tune of the theme song from The Little Prince. We get in to the recent drama regarding Thai Rivera attempting to copyright strike our YouTube channel and explain why he doesn’t have a prayer in court. …

Watching the Throne – Part 3 of 3

July 14, 2021

In this third installment of Watching the Throne, the complete Thai Rivera residency controversy gets even more spin, with Thai declaring the entire weekend a success on his social media and podcast. We listen as this toy boy spins yarns about how happy the venue was with the turnout, how well the shows went, and how impressed the audience was. Unfortunately for Thai, the audio and video evidence seems to contradict his rose-colored view of the entire residency, as well as his talent. We also get a response from comedian Ralph Tutela, who was intended to be Thai's partner for the residency, but sobered up before the debut and backed out. Not even newer comics on the Vegas scene want to be a part of the implosion of a gay madman and his career

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Watching the Throne (Part 2 of 3)

July 14, 2021

A comedic review of the latest KING of comedy in Las Vegas. This one is a great tale from the C, and so many people helped provide insight in to the story being woven for your absolute amusement and horror. In Part 2, we listen in to another show featuring comedians Thai Rivera, Angie Krum and Dante Verduzco. It's worse than the first, if that is at all possible, and the grift is real when it comes to Thai collecting money under the guise of this being a Vegas strip-worthy show. Strap in for another long episode with more unbelievable moments throughout, including Thai asking his feature act to leave in the middle of the show. This show was originally live streamed on June 17, 2021. Thai Rivera has since attempted to strike Nobody Likes Onions’ YouTube channel with a copyright takedown notice.

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Watching the Throne (Part 1 of 3)

July 14, 2021

A comedic review of the latest KING of comedy in Las Vegas. This one is a great tale from the C, and so many people helped provide insight in to the story being woven for your absolute amusement and horror. Bring your popcorn and something sharp to slisp your wrisps. This one will be a long one, so get a babysitter and tell the wife you’ll be out late with the misses. What? Pssssh. You don’t make any sense. In Part 1 we review the lead up to this guaranteed nightmare, and watch in horror as it unfolds before our very eyes for a detailed and thorough breakdown of a man’s breakdown. Enjoy! This show was originally live streamed on June 17, 2021. …

NLO 1392: No More Mr. Nice Thai

July 2, 2021

Thai Rivera issues a copyright strike on Nobody Likes Onions, and Patrick has been itching to share the latest regarding Thai’s super-unbothered attempt to crush free speech. Patrick outlines his planned response to Thai, in as much detail as he’s permitted. This copyright contest can get very ugly very quickly, and Patrick doesn’t plan to play softball with one of Vegas’s most notorious softbois. With legal troubles brewing that could have far-reaching unintended consequences in Thai’s world, and Patrick showing no signs of backing off, what will become of Thai’s new residency? The chat seems to be collectively smacking their heads at Thai’s latest move, and Patrick is asked to give Thai some serious advice as an objective onlooker. …

The KRINGE of Las Vegas

June 21, 2021

OOO GRRL! So many juice boxes to sip in this show! Thai Rivera's world is collapsing around him. His less-experienced partner has backed out of his new residency show (wise choice), his financing is in jeopardy, he is rethinking the whole show concept and searching for new variety performers, and he admits it's stressful and not ideal. Oh, also, he wants you to buy tickets for this poorly-executed garbage fire. The show has learned that the venueWe call the Thunderbird Hotel and Casino, and nobody seems to even know about Thai's show, how to buy tickets, or that it's even happening in a week. A woman at Chanclas Cantina thinks Patrick is Thai on the phone! We find out that Thai is still trying to get comics in trouble behind the scenes.

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NLO 1391: Going Down In Smoke

June 21, 2021

Thai Rivera is smoking or snorting more of whatever he smokes or snorts than usual. In this show, Patrick details this insane man’s plan to take Las Vegas by storm with a residency show that promises to be a complete clusterfuck. Void of planning, talent, capabilities, contacts, technical prowess, marketing money or common sense, Thai is forging forward at the expense of a newer local comic named Ralph Tutela. Patrick predicts how this debacle will play out. We then move on to cover Derek Savage’s 2021 edition of the 420 Awards, with less production value and a sadder presence than ever before. Aside from the usual pointless fumbling through handing out awards to people that are not present, this year Derek has convinced some local Vegas comedians to come in and do some of the presenting. …

NLO 1390: Pawn Protocol

June 9, 2021

Chef is back to check on the show he helped grow so many years ago, and his curmudgeonly attitude is still oozing from his pores. Patrick and Chef walk down podcast memory lane a little, and discuss why Patrick is still doing this. Chef is in the babyproofing business and Patrick wants some tips for his dog. Patrick is still losing at poker all these years later. Chef’s Florida neighbor is squirreling away money from his wife. Patrick is confused by whatever bone induction headphones are and why they need to be worn all day. The guys muse about the convenience of having a podcast stenographer. Patrick shares with Chef the origins of Rick’s and how Rick Harrison from Pawn Stars has let his fame go to his head. Patrick argues with Chef about the true meaning of being a father, and Chef shares a new service he’s been using. …

NLO 1389: Comedy Whistleblowers (Part 2)

May 26, 2021

The show continues with Patrick diving in to more of the stories that were leftover from the fever dream distraction that was Crazy Joe's rampage on our last show. Patrick watches a video of a Waymo vehicle driving around Phoenix and getting in to some trouble. Could the Google-backed self-driving startup be the end of Tesla one day? One thing is clear from this disaster - it's going to be a long time before we really have to worry abeout robots taking over and killing all the humans. Apparently a road cone can throw off some of the most advanced driving AI that exists, and that doesn't seem quite right. Maybe you should just keep your grandma's old Cadillac and drive that until the wheels fall off instead of pre-ordering some flashy new electric fidget spinner.

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NLO 1389: Comedy Whistleblowers (Part 1)

May 26, 2021

Patrick is back to go over some of the stories he meant to cover in the previous show. Crazy Joe derailed the programming a bit, so today you get leftovers. Patrick is happy to be out in society without a mask, but is super sus about the way we were all told about it. Rachel Maddow is having some issue processing things. Sarah Silverman can’t seem to understand that, in general, men are stronger than women. Patrick breaks down the recent events involving the “cancelling” of Tony Hinchcliffe by a virtue signaling opportunity-seeking nobody comic in Austin. AirBNB is trying to get you to think they are cool by setting up overnight stays in Popeyes chicken restaurants and the last Blockbuster video store in Bend, Oregon. …

NLO 1388: Pawtistic

May 18, 2021

Patrick has serious concerns about the dog he has allowed in to his home and heart. How do you know when it’s time to give up and just put it outside in the dirt? Seriously? This show starts out normal enough, but evolves in to what is sure to be a landmark moment for the Nobody Likes Onions program. After six years of nothing but harassment and hope from those who follow our history with Crazy Joe, the man himself calls in to the show to talk with Patrick and bury the hatchet! Joe want to possibly broadcast his show on the Onions network, but he’s hesitant to trust the fans if they’re all like that idiot, Curran. There’s big news regarding our personal freedoms and it’s way too confusing to be an accident. Patrick ponders the trouble with Bill and Melina Grates and thinks there might be a BIG scandal coming soon! …

NLO 1387: Crypto Crybabies

May 10, 2021

Comedian Scott Bowser is in studio for the first time in almost seven years. While he’s taken a break from standup for awhile, he has found a new love for podcasting. Patrick laments at how easy it is for people to startup a podcast with no conviction. Private messaging app Signal has pissed off Facebook by exposing how much personal information they know about people. The guys discuss the old days, including the early days of cryptocurrency, leaving Los Angeles, and more. Patrick questions Scott about his new profession in the cannibis industry. Patrick doesn’t buy in to experts, labs and testing; it’s all made up nonsense. Scott peruses some baseball cards that Patrick recently acquired to tell him if they might be worth something. Patrick comes up with a new idea for a Vegas-style baby go bye-bye clinic. …

Comedy.Oof – Mental Illness in Comedy

May 6, 2021

Comedians are broken. Patrick has proof. You want names? TOO MANY TO LIST. Pour a drink and let's meander through the mediocrity of comedians who don't know that they aren't comedians. This show will be LIVE for MEMBERS ONLY on YouTube and will be released to OVERDOSE members on their private RSS feed, as well as on the Nobody Likes Onions website.

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WhinyVision™ – The Diaz Mackie Interview

May 5, 2021

Comedienne Lyin' Thai Rivera sits down with comedian Diaz Mackie for what is sure to be one of the biggest mistakes of Diaz's career. Recorded well over a week ago, we've had to wait patiently while Thai wrangle together enough blood pressure to click a mouse in Windows Movie Maker so that he could cut out all of the "umm's" and "uhh's" sprinkled amongst his normal stream-of-consciousness waterfall of logical fallacies. Diaz Mackie has allegedly been accused of assault or something, and Thai is LARPing around his tiny apartment pretending to be the guy who's going to get to the bottom of it all. And if we know anything about Thai, it's that he has a lot of experience getting to bottoms.

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