Page 24 • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

December 18, 2023: NOBODY Likes CHAD ZUMOCK! DonkeyLips Can’t Walk! Steel Toe Numbers Are DOWN!

December 18, 2023

Patrick’s schedule is ALL WONKY for the next week or so, and you’ll just have to deal with it. The internet is a fickle mistress, and her shows are not relegated to your temporal bounding boxes, human. The Lou and KY morning show is the shining beacon of the Joey C universe. Lou looks like his teeth got in a fight and had to be seperated. Did we mention he’s dumber than potting soil? Patrick revisits Haley Sacks, a guest from NYC who had a showing so bad, she couldn’t even bear to be in the same room with Patrick ever again. Steel Toe suffers another insane defeat at the offering plate, and April comes down to give Aaron a sloppy consolation kiss before heading off to her night shift at Arby’s. Save some horsey sauce for us, Ape! …

CHAD ZUMOCK: Drunk Comedy LOLCOW Can’t Stop Drinking & Sucking!

December 16, 2023

Ding dong! It’s Saturday night and the mood is right! Come on down to watch the latest edition of Chad Zumock, alcoholic fail whale, completely embarrass himself for about thirty dollars. The worst part is the helpless little pig can’t keep himself sober enough to do his own gig! Drink up, piggy! Atlantic City is in two months and reality awaits you at the Borgata! Come find out how many fans are on your side, oink boy! The difference between this fantasy world where Chad has fans and the stark reality of Chad trying to act popular in person is going to be a sight to behold. …

December 15, 2023 PART 2: Let’s Get It Poppin Fresh! The After-MLC Breakdown!

December 15, 2023

Many hours have passed and the landscape has changed. Chad Zumock and Kate Meaney have been emboldened by the recent backlash of Kevin Brennan on Patrick. After gushing for weeks and calling him the sheriff of the dabbleverse, the worm has turned and Patrick is seemingly on the outs with the pink hot dog man. But Kevin doesn’t need Patrick. He has Ray, and Kate Meaney, and let’s not forget his number one son, Chad Zumock. Kevin says Patrick shouldn’t come to Atlantic City, but how could the Big Onion miss this party? It’s on in Atlantic City baby! Let’s wrap up the week and try to smooth things over on this second installment of the Friday Onion program. Kick back and relax with Melton and the kids! There’s no reason to be upset. This has all been a big misunderstanding! …

December 15, 2023 PART 1: KEVIN BRENNAN is MEAN! I’ll RUIN Your Life OLD MAN! Jkjk PO Box Friday!

December 15, 2023

It’s’ Friday, and while there may be a peace settling over the Joey C and Melton feud, Kevin Brennan seems wound up about something else. Patrick woke up to a text calling him a pathetic piece of poo, but your guess is as good as anyone’s as to what it’s about. It seems like Kevin likes to be the guy investigating and asking questions, but he cannot handle the heat when it’s thrown back on him. How much of this show will be about Kevin Brennan? It’s hard to say. Friday’s are loose around here. just like every other day of the week. We’ve got a PO Box update and maybe some more from your favorites. Who knows what Friday has to offer? Don’t miss it! …

December 14, 2023: KATE MEANEY Gets Turned Out! Joey C Is Gonna BUST! Mersh Sweats A Lot!

December 14, 2023

It’s been two day’s since Kate Meaney went on her third manic swing regarding her public internet reputation. Kate seems to have tapped out and run for the hills, but can you ever be sure with a privileged private-school drug-dealing anal princess? Joey C can’t stop screaming about Melton, and it’s becoming detrimental to his health. Patrick has an offer Joey can’t refuse. Mersh has a fitness update for everyone and of course wants to tell you about some plans he has for some gross cats he found. Planet with a Palate has breakfast while answering questions from her adoring fans. …

BROWN-EYE BONUS! The Kate Meaney Chronicles! A Dumb Woman WASTES Her Family Legacy!

December 12, 2023

Toot toot! All aboard the Poo Poo Choo Choo! Kate Meaney is already spiraling OGAIN after trying to control her own image on Twitter and MLC all day. This chick is a wreck, and the more she talks, the funnier it gets. I’ve got good news and bad news for Kate Meaney, daughter of comedian Kevin Meaney; today you finally provided some hilarious content, but it once again revolved around what a delicious snack that bootyhole was for your ex-boyfriend – the one you said had a tiny peen. Anyway, girl. Let’s talk about it! …

December 12, 2023: STEEL TOE Gets WORSE? Catalano TV Collapses, Kate Meaney is a WRECK!

December 12, 2023

Steel Toe as hosted by Aaron Imholte and his worthless spouse is unbearable, but have you heard Steel Toe helmed by Johnny Crutches? It’s worse than you could ever fathom. We explore The recent gallivanting by the Immolates in Vegas and what that time away has done to their precious show. Kate Meaney has found her medication and a sliver of confidence after bitching, trying to strike, crying, whining, deleting, hiding and more. It’s both humorous and sad to watch a young girl WRECK her social value over and over and over. TommyNC2010 has a movie review for the new Godzilla movie, but don’t get your hopes up for a poster. Joey C and his wife are busy debunking all the latest rumors about their trouble with the law. Joey C proves he doesn’t have an ankle bracelet, but Patrick has an update about his status with the law. …

December 11, 2023: The C Word! YouTube DELUSION Invades Joey C’s Brain! Kate Meaney Has NOTHING!

December 11, 2023

It’s Monday, and you might be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, but Patrick is reeling from some bad news he received over the weekend. Could this be the end for Patrick’s poor beloved dog, Brad? And if so, is there any alternative, short of a medical miracle, that can bring comfort to this man? Worlds collide in ways you can’t even imagine, Watch as the Kate Meaney saga brings us back home to Las Vegas, where we meet a new nut! Angie Krum is gettin ready to release a podcast that is going to be full of comedy lol gold. Her simple mind coupled with a team of idiots has conjured up an entertainment juggernaut that will sweep cosmetology circles like wildfire. TommyNC2010 has reviewed one of the hottest movies of the winter season. …

December 9, 2023: MERSH Ain’t Fat! Kate Meaney Embarrasses Herself More! Saturday Vibes!

December 9, 2023

The rich come out on a Saturday to pick squares and embrace possibilities. The Imholte’s are in Las Vegas and the rumors are trickling in. Patrick has a challenge to issue to Aaron and April, but they’re too busy running around Las Vegas like rubes, dazzled by all the lights and free drinks. Kate Meaney has another video where she’s singing to all of us with he childish angelic voice. Watch as she stands on a table in her rich mom’s home and sings in to a gold club. Patrick’s in the mood for Mersh, and we watch some of this donkey’s latest clips. Mersh is going on a trip and wants everyone to know about his catsitter and the new automatic feeder he splurged on for his cat family. Mersh is also sick of people saying he can’t get laid, and he also doesn’t like Patrick calling him fat, no matter how much it’s the truth. …

December 7, 2023: Kate Meaney Should RUN! Kevin Brennan MELTS DOWN In Hypocrisy!

December 7, 2023

Kate Meaney spent most of the night huddled over a keyboard leaving comments on yesterday’s NLO show, and she has now blocked Patrick after many accusations. It’s sad when a young comedian has no idea how the internet works, but apparently Kate is in the DANGER ZONE! Kevin Brennan is obsessed with Shuli and his viewers, but thinks Patrick is obsessed with his viewers. He bites the troll bait HARD! What a nut! Ray Devito seems to be more confused than ever. It’ a tumultuous time and I ask that you bear with us during this personal ordeal. …

December 6, 2023: Someone Help Kate Meaney! Kevin Brennan is LOOSE!

December 6, 2023

It’s another week of MLC drama, and Kevin is at the peak of his obsession with Shuli and Bob and their viewers. What is the prize that whoever wins this corner of the internet gets? Is there a plaque or some sort of certificate? What is Kate Meaney trying to protect, anyway? Did Geno have anything to do with a privacy complaint on one of Patrick’s videos? Do we ever need another show with this sorcerer psychiatrist again? I’ve got some yelling to do! …

December 4, 2023: The THACKERING Begins! Planet Goes DIRTY! Donkeylips Has BIG DREAMS!

December 4, 2023

It’s Monday, and it’s the start of a new month, and we couldn’t be happier that you’ve decided to join us here at The Onions. Patrick went to see Adam Sandler over the weekend and aside from having to watch his daughter sing a Taylor Swift cover song for nine minutes while the Sandman wept and played guitar, it was ok. We found out one of our favorite fatties has a dirty clips site and you can download a lot of gore that is sure to turn the bits and bytes on your hard drive rotten in no time. Opie Radio really is a delusional guy. Michael Ray Bower killed a cat in his dream and he thinks it’s something he needs to memorialize from a toilet vlog. Steel Toe is so far ahead of making their goals that you’re going to be sorry. Our favorite dumb financial advisor is back with a new podcast where she interviews other dumb girls about their financial mistakes and we learn nothing. …

Members Only Show – December 1, 2023

December 1, 2023

It's a Friday night Member's Only extravaganza! We meander the web and try to make sense of it so you don't have to. Tonight, we try to unravel and explain the Keanu C. Thompson versus Kate Meaney situation. Just a couple of broads arguing about their buttholes and what they do with them in their spare time. Geno Bisconte and Keanu are allegedly retaliating against Kate for buddying up with Kevin Brennan, but Keanu and Geno say that isn't so. Who is telling the truth? Kevin Brennan and Keanu call in to set the record straight. We also catch up with TommyNC2010 and look back to remember what makes this special boy so special.

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December 1, 2023: Extra NUTS For FRIDAY! Heather G Is About To POP! Ray Still Needs Help!

December 1, 2023

Happy Friday! Patrick is extending November for one more day- at least on paper. What a volatile week it’s been for the whatever this is. Chad Zumock has turned out to be one of the worst actors, liars, and comedians of all time. The LOLs don’t stop when Chad uses his imagination to wow his audience with dumb. Heather Gillispie is finding out about Chicago winter while being pregnant and homeless, and it’s going to go bad. Bower has started his walking tours, and you won’t believe the loophole this time! Josh Denny goes to Florida and doesn’t have time to stop by Publix for a sandwich. Summer Sinclair really wants the part. Why don’t you like her? Ray Devito is moving to his mom’s friends house even those his mom is dead and he’s a fifty-year-old man with absolutely nothing going on in life. Strap in, because the phones don’t work again today! …

November 30, 2023: Chad Zumock DOUBLES DOWN On DUMB!

November 30, 2023

Chad Zumock is desperate for attention. He’s an unloved alcoholic with no income, no prospects for a career, and no friends or relationships to lean on as a support system. After being arrested over and over for victimizing veterans and the elderly, stealing identities and credit cards, stealing from stores, driving drunk in to trees, losing jobs at radio stations, and lying about career credits and highlights, what’s a loser from Cleveland in subsidized housing to do? Chad’s latest Thanksgiving grift is afoot! Watch as we dive in to Chad’s lies and Chad’s cope on the latest EMERGENCY EDITION of Nobody Likes Onions. Who is dumber? Chad Zumock or the person he thinks you are? The startling criminal history and the journey of cascading mistakes by a dummy at the end of his rope are in this crucial episode! …

November 28, 2023: Happy Holidays? MAYBE NOT! Back to BASIC!

November 28, 2023

It’s Tuesday morning, and the plebs are frothing in the aisles for a new NLO. What will Patrick be mad about this morning? Will there be a classic rant against one of the fans for some minuscule reason? You can almost guarantee! We check in with some of our favorite nuts to see how they’re gearing up for the holidays. Is the loneliness enough to break some of our favorites, or will the holiday spirit prevail and allow happiness to shine forth? There’s no telling, but we are definitely here to watch it all. Mchael Ray Bower is at his lowest and his blurriest on the latest stream about his health and future plans. Steel Toe is terrified of medical news and has a cool new blackface story to tell you. Chad still has no idea what he is doing and his snipe streams are becoming less and less impressive. If you’re looking for a killer banana pudding recipe and need something to do with your gross boiled eggs. we have a woman with a few tricks up her sleeveless shirt. …

November 27, 2023: CRANKSGIVING! Kevin Brennan Is a GRUMP, Chad Zumock Lies, SORRY!

November 27, 2023

Just a reminder than nobody owes you anything and Patrick isn’t your real dad. You should probably find a new life with a new family. Patrick is doing a quick show to give his thoughts on the past week and the events of the day, and we are going to try to resume our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. Why is Chad pretending to be in some sort of peril? Kevin Brennan is very concerned with everyone else and their productivity schedules. Ray Devito is getting weirder and weirder by the moment. Tookie is in trouble or something. I hope you had a nice time with your friends and family. Let’s get back to the nuts! …

November 17, 2023 – Steel Toe OWNS Chandler! Chad CRUMBLES Live! Josh Denny is LARGE Now!

November 17, 2023

Patrick isn’t the only one making a splash in the world of Big Beautiful Podcasters. Josh Denny, currently on his nineteenth attempt at a show someone will care about and/or watch, has ballooned to proportions that must be examined. Watch as over a decade of podcast experience culminates in more meh than you can imagine. Chad Zumock is in hiding after running away from his own show Thursday afternoon when Patrick surprised him with a snipe session. We catch up with some of our favorite nutty ladies, including Planet with a Palate and her rotund gal pals. They’re making dip or pasta or eggs or pickle juice. It’s hard to tell, really. But they are very, very fat and very, very chill about it all. This has gotta be good! …