Page 44 • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

NLO 1389: Comedy Whistleblowers (Part 2)

May 26, 2021

The show continues with Patrick diving in to more of the stories that were leftover from the fever dream distraction that was Crazy Joe's rampage on our last show. Patrick watches a video of a Waymo vehicle driving around Phoenix and getting in to some trouble. Could the Google-backed self-driving startup be the end of Tesla one day? One thing is clear from this disaster - it's going to be a long time before we really have to worry abeout robots taking over and killing all the humans. Apparently a road cone can throw off some of the most advanced driving AI that exists, and that doesn't seem quite right. Maybe you should just keep your grandma's old Cadillac and drive that until the wheels fall off instead of pre-ordering some flashy new electric fidget spinner.

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NLO 1389: Comedy Whistleblowers (Part 1)

May 26, 2021

Patrick is back to go over some of the stories he meant to cover in the previous show. Crazy Joe derailed the programming a bit, so today you get leftovers. Patrick is happy to be out in society without a mask, but is super sus about the way we were all told about it. Rachel Maddow is having some issue processing things. Sarah Silverman can’t seem to understand that, in general, men are stronger than women. Patrick breaks down the recent events involving the “cancelling” of Tony Hinchcliffe by a virtue signaling opportunity-seeking nobody comic in Austin. AirBNB is trying to get you to think they are cool by setting up overnight stays in Popeyes chicken restaurants and the last Blockbuster video store in Bend, Oregon. …

NLO 1388: Pawtistic

May 18, 2021

Patrick has serious concerns about the dog he has allowed in to his home and heart. How do you know when it’s time to give up and just put it outside in the dirt? Seriously? This show starts out normal enough, but evolves in to what is sure to be a landmark moment for the Nobody Likes Onions program. After six years of nothing but harassment and hope from those who follow our history with Crazy Joe, the man himself calls in to the show to talk with Patrick and bury the hatchet! Joe want to possibly broadcast his show on the Onions network, but he’s hesitant to trust the fans if they’re all like that idiot, Curran. There’s big news regarding our personal freedoms and it’s way too confusing to be an accident. Patrick ponders the trouble with Bill and Melina Grates and thinks there might be a BIG scandal coming soon! …

NLO 1387: Crypto Crybabies

May 10, 2021

Comedian Scott Bowser is in studio for the first time in almost seven years. While he’s taken a break from standup for awhile, he has found a new love for podcasting. Patrick laments at how easy it is for people to startup a podcast with no conviction. Private messaging app Signal has pissed off Facebook by exposing how much personal information they know about people. The guys discuss the old days, including the early days of cryptocurrency, leaving Los Angeles, and more. Patrick questions Scott about his new profession in the cannibis industry. Patrick doesn’t buy in to experts, labs and testing; it’s all made up nonsense. Scott peruses some baseball cards that Patrick recently acquired to tell him if they might be worth something. Patrick comes up with a new idea for a Vegas-style baby go bye-bye clinic. …

Comedy.Oof – Mental Illness in Comedy

May 6, 2021

Comedians are broken. Patrick has proof. You want names? TOO MANY TO LIST. Pour a drink and let's meander through the mediocrity of comedians who don't know that they aren't comedians. This show will be LIVE for MEMBERS ONLY on YouTube and will be released to OVERDOSE members on their private RSS feed, as well as on the Nobody Likes Onions website.

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WhinyVision™ – The Diaz Mackie Interview

May 5, 2021

Comedienne Lyin' Thai Rivera sits down with comedian Diaz Mackie for what is sure to be one of the biggest mistakes of Diaz's career. Recorded well over a week ago, we've had to wait patiently while Thai wrangle together enough blood pressure to click a mouse in Windows Movie Maker so that he could cut out all of the "umm's" and "uhh's" sprinkled amongst his normal stream-of-consciousness waterfall of logical fallacies. Diaz Mackie has allegedly been accused of assault or something, and Thai is LARPing around his tiny apartment pretending to be the guy who's going to get to the bottom of it all. And if we know anything about Thai, it's that he has a lot of experience getting to bottoms.

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NLO 1386: Discount Doodle

May 4, 2021

Patrick is fully vaccinated and can now eat dog, and he got a new Goldendoodle puppy just to test the theory. Listen to the harrowing tale of how Patrick hunted and finally got a great deal on a potentially illegal or mentally defective dog. Caitlyn Jenner is trying to be the mayor of California, and Patrick doesn’t understand why she’s even worthy of consideration. As bonus evidence of our obsession with worshipping people regardless of merit, we find a video of Caitlyn singing on The Masked Singer, and it’s AWFUL. Elon Muskrat is going to host Saturday Night Live and people are super upset about it. Bowen Yang doesn’t like it, but most people don’t like Bowen Yang. Patrick gives away a sofa to a psycho who can’t stop talking about Brooklyn. Apple is going get everyone killed with their new stalker-friendly Airtags gimmicks. …

Thai Rivera UNMASKED!

April 23, 2021

SPECIAL LIVE EVENT! Patrick breaks down the latest shocking screenshots from Thai Rivera, the comedy denial-daddy extraordinaire! Adam Dominguez flips position on Thai and share INSANE conversations where Thai threatens, belittles, lies, and tries to manipulate Adam on multiple occasions. This is by far the most indicting evidence that has been given to Patrick to share publicly that we have seen of Thai's character and lack of empathy and compassion.

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Afershow 1385: Alex Ansel, Thai Rivera Leaks!

April 21, 2021

Alex Ansel sticks around for today's aftershow, and Patrick has unearthed a treasure trove of information about everybody's favorite comedic drama doorknob, Thai Rivera. Why a doorknob? Don't overthink it. Patrick has recently found out some insane stories about Thai. The following juicy details have recently been alleged by a scandalous source: Thai's parents don't really like him, Thai used to be a hard drug addict, Thai lost a sister who was his best friend and felt no remorse, Thai pays his bills through prostitution, Thai made his mom wrap her car with his picture, Thai got tattoos to signal the illuminati that he's down for whatever, and so much more. We have photos and videos that Thai has erased from all his social media, and we will go over them thoroughly.

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NLO 1385: Comedy Kings & Curry Queens

April 21, 2021

Alex “KOOL-AID” Ansel joins Patrick in the studio for the first time since the pandemic rained down it’s prolonged hiatus on fun and social interaction. Both of them are scheduled to get their second vaccine this week, and they figured they would forego safety and hunker down together for a few hours. Patrick makes some predictions for the future when Bitcoin rules us all. Alex recently splurged for a PlayStation 5, or a PS5 as the kids are calling it. He feels guilty about the expenditure, so he’s making large fiscal cuts in his life, including severing ties with the pay-for-risqué enthusiast site, OnlyFans. Patrick probes Kool-Aid about how OnlyFans works and why it’s so attractive. Spoiler alert: it’s mostly buttholes. Patrick is concerned his TV and smart devices are spying on everything. …

WhinyVision™ – Bad VS. Evil

April 14, 2021

We begin today by recounting the events of the previous evening, where Thai tried once again to intimidate a comic he has bullied in the past. Patrick tells all local comics to just start recording Thai Rivera wherever he is, in private conversations and on stage. He does this to other people, and posts it online, along with other private conversations, and reciprocation is in order. Thai Rivera is back from doing shows and found enough energy to record a weak deflection that is full of lies, empty of energy, and lacks any focus whatsoever as he tries again to rehash and skewer 11 different people in the comedy community. He has a clear lack of focus between emotional collapses and bouts of unbridled anxiety, while alternating between weird semi-apologies and tough, no-nonsense professional.

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NLO 1384: Trippin’ With Thai

April 14, 2021

Patrick is joined by comedians George White and Adam Dominguez as they recount the tale of going on the road with Thai about a year ago. Was he a nice man? Was he fair and super sweet? Find out on this scandalous behind-the-scenes expose, with never-before-seen footage, photos, screenshots and more. You’ll feel like you were there as Patrick asks the questions you’d ask if your mom hadn’t taught you manners. Was Thai funny on stage? Is he always super low energy? Is his face always this puffy? The answers to these gems are in this episode, and other horror stories from the road with Vegas comedians sprinkled in for good measure. We finish the show with startling evidence that Thai may be psychologically grooming comedians for abuse later on. …

NLO 1383: Umm, Bothered

April 9, 2021

Thai Rivera is back at it again, trying to explain away the same altercations for the third show in a row. This one is a LOLlercoaster of emotion, as Thai can't decide whether or not he wants to make up with people from one minute to the next. He waffles from indifferent to incensed with the manic energy of a teen girl. He also cannot stop texting Patrick throughout the show, which becomes annoying by the end. Patrick reveals how he trapped Thai into all-but proving his vanity by getting him to buy YouTube views. Thai starts new fights with comics Spiro and Jozalyn Sharp, while doubling down on old beefs with Matt Markman, Gooch, Bobby and Krystle, Big Irish Jay, Trixx, and so many more. It's uncomfortable, edited to shit, and lack focus and a cohesive point.

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NLO 1382: Getting Gooky

April 7, 2021

Patrick is joined in the studio by comedian Matt Markman, who has the honor of being the first guest in our new studio. Matt is vaccinated, and Patrick recently had his first shot of the Pfizer shot. The guys discuss vaccination and conspiracies, along with what might be in it for Bill Gates if he is, in fact, microchipping all of us. Patrick wants to get a puppy, and is overwhelmed by the number of “doodle” breeds available. Rick’s Wings N’ Rings has some new dishes they’d like to promote during the show. Matt prefers comic book movies to things like Godzilla vs. Kong, but Patrick appreciates the latter for it’s authenticity. A Tampa Bay Buccaneer us under fire for using a racial slur in a tweet. Rage rooms are taking over, Cool Cat is back, and more. …

BONUS: Thai Claps Back!

April 7, 2021

Patrick listens live to the latest collection of clipped together sass Thai calls a podcast to see what's new in the comedy world. Or in Thai's little corner of it. After Thai's long week of burning bridge after bridge, Thai goes in on even more comedians, bookers, and friends. He wrestles with the idea that he has a mental illness, and later in the show begins messaging Patrick DURING THE SHOW begging him to take down the videos and asking what needs to happen to make all this analysis cease. In this special show, we listen to Thai's latest beefs, excuses, lies and even rebuttals to Patrick's overwhelming and constantly accumulating pile of evidence.

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NLO 1381: THAI RIVERA vs. TRIXX Full Breakdown

April 7, 2021

Joke thievery is no laughing matter! The Las Vegas comedy scene is spicy, and most of the bickering centers around everybody’s favorite drama donut, Thai Rivera, accusing Canadian comedian Trixx of joke theft – the most unforgivable of comedy crimes. Who’s lying? Who did what? Is there more to the story? Let’s listen to what Thai has to say, and hold his attempted joke theft exposure up to what we know about his past behavior. Let’s see what proof and substance Thai provides to try to ruin the reputation of a Canadian comedian he used to call “friend.” Is time running out for Thai in Las Vegas? …

Aftershow 1379: Zoom Comedy, Triggers

March 29, 2021

Patrick kicks off the show by trying to show off a new app that has been developed just for desperate comedians. As if Zoom shows are not bad enough, now there's an app that let's "comedians" perform live nightly to earn worthless points for twos of people. It's getting rough out there. Patrick has trouble getting his iPad to display correctly on the stream. We watch a really cringe video with a conservative black commentator named Jesse Lee Peterson with comedians Shang and Ty Barnett. The comic duo seem to be confused about whether they are being held down or thriving in this era of racism. We learn what Christmas crackers are, because it's not really an American thing. Long story short for anyone who doesn't know - it's not worth learning about.

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NLO 1380: Recalibrate Your Crazy

March 29, 2021

It’s another weekend in Las Vegas, and the streets are sizzling with sweet, sweet comedy drama. In this show, Patrick share some great news from his HOA. He grapples with the prospect of getting the vaccine soon and asks for listener feedback. The show might switch to YouTube for live shows soon, because Twitch is too woke. Patrick has taken to selling graphics cards on eBay during the shortage, and has some unkind words for Craigslist shoppers. Patrick recaps all the history with Butch Bradley, as it’s become a topic of discussion again recently. Two individuals on Facebook have caught Patrick’s eye for their short fuses and inability to self-soothe. Catherine Maloney is mad at men, herself and the world, and want’s everyone to know about it. …